


Home at the Horizon

by ImaShayne



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anal, Angst, Capture, Family, Feels, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Laith, Lance (Voltron) Whump, Langst, M/M, Male Slash, Masturbation, Music, Oral, Sex, Shame, Slash, Smut, Torture, Whump, Yaoi, kissies, klance, klangst, m/m - Freeform, um, wump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-03-13 00:19:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 31,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13558686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImaShayne/pseuds/ImaShayne
Summary: So much like the oceaneyes swirling like the deepemotions undulatingwaves of movementsundercurrents and swellsBody sun kissedAnd the otherToo much like the open skywild and untamedEyes like the falling sunStuck in a forevertwilightEmotions lost to the howling windstoo hard to speak throughThey find a home at where they meetupon the horizon.





	1. The Rise of Voltron

**Author's Note:**

> okay so much.... idk where to start I'm so bad at summary's. This started out in season one with just small little headcanon's rambles that I had to write down. mostly from Lance's perspective and it just kinda grew into this monster. The little blurb that I'll put here is a poem I wrote for Klance because why not it's where I always am in life after all. There are three parts. Whether or not they'll actually be separated or all right here kinda depends on how long each of them are, this fic spans two notebooks so far and it just seems to keep going so idk really. The first part is mostly just those headcanon's strung together to make what I hope is a smooth narrative, part two and three are more... intensive of what happened after season 4. I did start this fic officially after that season, but a lot of the parts were already written I just strung them together because I haven't really worked on fanfiction in a few years and then BAM voltron hit me and oop I got in too deep. I'm sure there are more thoughts that I have but it's real late and I'm tired. I do have a few chapters already written up so I hope I can update rather quickly, but who knows I'm notorious for being awful after all. Ummmm.... These chapters are a bit rough and mostly unedited because I do not have a beta reader, though I did look through them before posting. Still I'm real sorry if there are any glaring errors. I hope this is as much of a roller coaster for any readers out there who actually dive into this as it was for me writing it... and all the feels. yeah... okay enjoy! ^-^
> 
> Oh yeah I almost forgot. "speaking"  
> 'Thinking'  
> "*Spanish*"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A warm and familiar voice rang over the line. “Bueno’s noches mi Carino!”
> 
> Lance had to hold his breath for a moment to keep a sigh from escaping. He allowed it out slowly and quietly before responding. “Bueno’s noches Abuela.” He stated forcing a cheerful tone into his voice. His eyes flicked over to the digital clock atop his desk, thinking that the nightly call from his family had come a bit early. But his brows shot up in surprise. Lance hadn’t been aware how much time had passed. Silently this time the boy cursed his luck. Though he wasn’t yet hungry he’d already missed dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so much.... idk where to start I'm so bad at summary's. This started out in season one with just small little headcanon's rambles that I had to write down. mostly from Lance's perspective and it just kinda grew into this monster. The little blurb that I'll put here is a poem I wrote for Klance because why not it's where I always am in life after all. There are three parts. Whether or not they'll actually be separated or all right here kinda depends on how long each of them are, this fic spans two notebooks so far and it just seems to keep going so idk really. The first part is mostly just those headcanon's strung together to make what I hope is a smooth narrative, part two and three are more... intensive of what happened after season 4. I did start this fic officially after that season, but a lot of the parts were already written I just strung them together because I haven't really worked on fanfiction in a few years and then BAM voltron hit me and oop I got in too deep. I'm sure there are more thoughts that I have but it's real late and I'm tired. I do have a few chapters already written up so I hope I can update rather quickly, but who knows I'm notorious for being awful after all. Ummmm.... These chapters are a bit rough and mostly unedited because I do not have a beta reader, though I did look through them before posting. Still I'm real sorry if there are any glaring errors. I hope this is as much of a roller coaster for any readers out there who actually dive into this as it was for me writing it... and all the feels. yeah... okay enjoy! ^-^
> 
> Oh yeah I almost forgot. "speaking"  
> 'Thinking'  
> "*Spanish*"

Chapter 1: The Rise of Voltron

 

Lance’s grumbling was louder than the soft whoosh of the door as it opened. The boy’s feet dragged as he slouched into the room, allowing gravity to pull him down into his bed. He landed with a soft flump and bounced for a moment.

 

“Stupid Hunk and his stupid vomit stinking the simulator up. Stupid Pidge and his stupid big smart mouth and his stupid obsession getting us reamed.”

 

Lance continued to bemoan his rotten luck as he slowly peeled off the hideous orange uniform. (man it just wasn’t his color) This Galaxy Garrison business was no joke.

 

His already lethargic movements slowed further as he thought back to the simulator, lips pursing in annoyance. It wasn’t his fault that Hunk was so ridiculously easy to tease. Or that Pidge rose so quickly to everything shot his way. (did he have a little man complex or something, geez.)

 

If Lance had been trying at all he – Lance paused completely in his movements. Looking down at his socked feet, fingers tightening over his green jacket, which he’d plucked from over his desk chair. His deep blue eyes flicked up to his reflection in the mirror that hung on the wall right next to the door. His brows were drawn together and slanted downwards. His shoulders tight and hunched.

 

“I could have passed that test easy peasy.” He stated firmly to himself, not quite believing his own words.

 

Decisively Lance jammed his arms into the sleeves of the well worn green jacket and fell back into his chair. While he spun it in place the boy idly wondered what Pidge’s whole problem even was with the Kerberos mission. The shorter boy was hard to read like all the time. Until that mission was brought up. That hadn’t been the first time Lance had needed to step between his petite teammate and a commanding officer.

 

Lance knew he recognized the name too. He just couldn’t quite recall from where. It niggled irritatingly at his brain. It had been a botched job to the far off moon of course, everyone in the garrison knew that. Since it was constantly brought up as an example to the cadets about why their studies and simulator practice was so important. But Lance knew he was forgetting something important about it. Something that he’d cared about at the time it had happened. He stopped the spinning of his chair for a moment. Oh yeah…. Shiro. His literal idol had been the pilot for that. Besides Hunk asking Lance to come along when he joined, the Pilot and Commander of the Kerberos endeavor, Shiro, had been the entire reason for Lance’s interest in the Galaxy Garrison to begin with.

 

But why was Pidge so up in arms about the entire thing? Somberly Lance pulled his cell out, fingers dancing over the orange display, curious if there were any other details that he was missing.

 

Before he’d finished typing a happy jingle broke through the still air of the room. Lance’s body jumped and he almost dropped his phone. Lance didn’t have time or the thought to check who was calling as his grip changed clumsily to answer.

 

A warm and familiar voice rang over the line. “Bueno’s noches mi Carino!”

 

Lance had to hold his breath for a moment to keep a sigh from escaping. He allowed it out slowly and quietly before responding. “Bueno’s noches Abuela.” He stated forcing a cheerful tone into his voice. His eyes flicked over to the digital clock atop his desk, thinking that the nightly call from his family had come a bit early. But his brows shot up in surprise. Lance hadn’t been aware how much time had passed. Silently this time the boy cursed his luck. Though he wasn’t yet hungry he’d already missed dinner.

 

And as awful as he knew it was Lance kind of wished that he’d not answered. After the day he’d had there wasn’t enough energy left in him to match how excitable his family got when talking to him. (or you know, ever)

 

As his grandmother’s voice washed over him the beauty of the Spanish language rolled out across the line musically. This at least was so relaxing that the isolated moment he’d had passed just as quickly as it had come. He could never purposefully ignore a call from his abuela. (His mom and dad were a different story.)

 

It was like this almost every night. And for the Hispanic boy it was what had replaced the lively family dinners he missed so much. His dear grandma was simply rambling on about her day. About how the mariposa were blooming beautifully in her garden, or that all of her friends at bingo were asking how her handsome grandson was doing in that ‘space program’ (a topic which never got old apparently)

 

After her speaking for however long she wished too (an endeavor that could sometimes take hours out of his night if someone didn’t pull her away from the phone) Lance’s siblings would fight over who got to talk to him next. Their excitement clear. Even though the sound of them bickering grated on his nerves just as much over the line as it did in person (regardless of how much he missed them) Lance felt his chest grow tight knowing what would probably come after. Despite himself he hoped that the arguing of his little brother and sister could last just a little bit longer.

 

Lance silently hoped that his parents would be at work still. They were both busy in their professional lives. For his mother, who held long tiring hours at the hospital, it was fairly normal to miss each other for these nightly calls. But it wasn’t his mom that Lance was worried about. Sure her probing questions about his studies put him on edge. Not quite in the same way any talk with his dad did though.

 

Lance pushed himself forward in the chair, no longer leaning precariously back as he listened. Now the boy waited with breath held as over the line muffled sounds signaled that the phone was changing hands once more on their end.

 

“*Alright there cadet?*” His father’s Spanish always sounded harder than his abuela’s. But then again everything about the man was like that. If it had been anyone else asking this it might have been taken as a joke. Lance knew better however. He’d really been hoping that the older man would still be out on his patrols. But as with everything else had proven today Lance’s luck was not holding out.

 

“*What uh…. What’d’ya mean?*” Lance tried to keep his tone even, held at his usual level of teasing brevity. An attempt he almost succeeded at, though he was sure that the gulp was painfully audible over the call.

 

“*You know well enough what I’m talking about. Don’t play games.*” As if realizing who he was talking too his dad huffed out an obvious sigh, the only real sign of his frustration that Lance was given. “But since’ you’re not man enough to tell me about your mistakes today then I’ll just get this out there for you to understand.” Oh no. Dad had switched to English. That was a sure sign that nothing good was about to happen. The Cuban man only switched to this language to keep his grandparents from hearing how /bad/ he was about to get it. (otherwise his dear Abuela would step in to tell her son a thing or two about patience with children…. And Lance, along with all of his siblings, had hidden behind her many a time to escape their dad’s wrath) Lance squeezed his eyes shut as his father began to absolutely ream him for that day’s performance in the simulator.

 

The Cuban boy did not know how his dad always seemed to know these sort of in depth details of Lance’s progress in the Garrison, since the man wouldn’t give up his source (and as he put it time and time again ‘if you would take this more seriously and put in actual effort you wouldn’t have to worry about this sort of thing son’) Lance just assumed that, as a police officer, his dad had connections.

 

He really wished the old man didn’t. For this exact reason.

 

Atop his thigh where Lance’s free hand rested fingers curled into a tight fist. As always when his dad lectured Lance just assumed he would have to ride this out.

 

Again he was wrong to hold any hope for lady luck to give him a break today. Officer McClain’s voice didn’t halt in the berating criticism, and the final note he ended on shot straight through Lance to the heart of his insecurities.

 

“Perhaps you were not the right material for this space program. You didn’t get in on a scholarship like your friend Hunk. You should stop wasting everyone’s time, and our hard earned money. Just come home mijo.”

 

Lance felt like the floor had dropped out from under him. Go…. Home? Leave the Garrison…. And Hunk… and Pidge.

 

He didn’t hear if his dad was still talking or not. He didn’t really care. His hand slipped down into his lap and his body slouched back. Lance tipped his head and stared at the ceiling. The boy wasn’t sure how long he stayed like that. Thoughts swirling around in his mind like vultures.

 

Should he go home? It was true that he wasn’t a natural genius like Hunk and Pidge seemed to be. He’d had to study his butt off to be accepted! And even then his marks had barely skimmed the prerequisites in science and math. There was nothing here that he really excelled at. He’d only really come because Hunk had made the Garrison sound so cool! And at the time Shiro had just made fighter pilot for a super important mission! Youngest guy to ever make it to that level…. That fast. Lance had tried hard to get in…. and now was all of that effort going to go to waste?

 

But…. It wasn’t like Lance wanted to leave. Sure he missed his family, his home, Abuela’s cooking, his mother’s stories. Hell even his little sibling’s bickering and his older sister’s teasing. But Lance could already do more than he’d thought possible of himself. And yeah the boy wasn’t having the easiest time here (a hard thing to admit, even silently and only to himself) All of the commanding officer’s seemed to perpetually have sticks stuck up in em, and all the other groups of cadets held such pretentious, pompous stuck up nerds.

 

And if Lance left it would put his team in an awkward position of having to find a new fighter pilot. By either promoting one of the handful of cargo pilots or making Hunk and Pidge wait…. Lance didn’t want either of those things and the mere thought twisted his gut with guilt. He couldn’t do that to them. Or maybe that was just another selfish excuse the Cuban boy was giving himself. He was just holding his two friends back.

 

So…. Maybe he’d leave at the end of the semester? But even that possibility gave him a tight feeling in his chest.

 

Lance wished he had something to do to rid himself of all the nervous energy that now filled him. He just wasn’t good at this sort of thing. His thoughts began spiraling uselessly in his head.

 

If he was home right now Lance might have pulled out his old guitar and plucked out a familiar tune. Or snuck out of his bedroom window to run down to the beach. Feeling the warm salt water could always refresh him after a night time dip. And if that wasn’t enough the rush of a wave would be.

 

But Lance wasn’t home. And he didn’t want to go home. At least not like this.

 

So the boy was unsure what he should do.

 

He wouldn’t be able to focus enough to work on his homework, or study at all (though he had a test in the morning)

 

Lance realized that he’d stood, and was pacing back and forth.

 

With a dramatic sigh Lance fell over into his bed, wondering if he could maybe just sleep this stress away.

 

Yeah right, he was already antsy. There wasn’t a white noise soothing enough, nor a sleeping mask that could cut out both light AND anxiety. Tonight would probably be another sleepless one. Every negative thing that had been said to him that day swirled like a storm in his mind. Lance knew that even if his insomnia lifted what sort of nightmares would await him.

 

Lance growled and jumped up again, heading for the door.

 

He had to move. To do something. Though he was still unsure about what he was going to do, that predicament didn’t last very long. As he stepped out of his room his feet had already turned towards Hunk’s dorm.

 

A mischievous glint entered his azure gaze and his lips twisted up into his telltale lopsided grin…. The sort of expression that promised trouble.

 

Commander Iverson had said that Hunk, Pidge and him had to work on their team bonding hadn’t he? And there was no better way to break down walls between people than to break some rules with them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've gone through and done a little bit of editing on my own.


	2. Fall of the Castle of Lions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I miss rain.” Even as he finished, quieting for a moment, he could almost hear thunder as if from far away, like a storm gathering. But only the reminiscence of that earthy smell tickled against his nose.
> 
>  
> 
> Talking with Coran was somehow relaxing. Lance stood, eyes not focused on the map of the known universe suspended around him as if by magic. His blue gaze was distant, seeing something not truly there. Different stars that hung above an ocean so clear it mirrored the well known constellations perfectly.
> 
>  
> 
> Lance had been worried that talking about home would make the ache he felt in his chest worse. That it would spread like a hole in his heart until he fell into it. Instead it was like a weight was being lifted from his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was the first scene I ever had in a my head and wrote out all those seasons ago because my brain cannot leave well enough alone and I shipped Klance before I knew what shipping was back with the original Voltron just because they were so cute together, and so they were like... a default ship for me going into this remake, and I fell even harder for them together because they're JUST SO PRECIOUS I LOVE THEM *coughcough anywho so I always wondered how they would end up together, how one might realize he was in love with the other, so on and so forth. And so this concept was born and it turned into a scene and that turned into this chapter!

Chapter 2: Fall of the Castle of Lions

 

Lance was dying.

 

He couldn’t quite believe his ears…. Or his eyes…. Or this entire situation.

 

For once Lance was at a momentary loss for words. A feat practically unheard of.

 

The Cuban boy could feel his emotions playing over his features. Caught between incredulity and hilarity. Lance took a deep breath in through his nose and let it out slowly before trying again, his hands held out while the weird Altean drink in his grasp sloshed dangerously against the edges of his cup.

 

“No no no the cheer includes the instructions!” Lance repeated himself and yet Keith still seemed to be at something of a loss. Lance’s gaze slowly roved over to Hunk, who wasn’t being any help to either of them.

 

Lance might have teased the red paladin in this moment. And man was he tempted too. But for once he and Keith weren’t at each others’ throats. It was…. Nice. Lance didn’t want to ruin that so soon. Instead he let it drop, rolling his eyes as he took a swig of the alien juice to keep his mouth occupied. Otherwise the boy wasn’t sure if he’d be able to hold back his laughter. (And thus far he’d done a pretty good job at controlling his expression, which wasn’t exactly a talent of his)

 

 

Of course as the liquid passed over his taste buds all previous thoughts flew straight out of his mind. He barely took note of Hunk and Keith circling him curiously.

 

It wasn’t long after that awful instance (One Lance hoped he could quickly erase from his memory because  _man_  that nunvill stuff was  _disgusting_ ) That Lance found himself in a strange mood. One he wasn’t often in. The boy wasn’t usually too sentimental. But the talk with Hunk had dunked him rather suddenly into a heavy disposition that he couldn’t quite place. And the nastiness from Coran’s so called ‘nectar of the gods’ still coiled somewhat sickeningly in his gut. He didn’t care  _what_ the mustached man said. This stuff did  _not_ settle the stomach at all! (Though he’d have to take the hair tonic aspect for a spin in the future! Dios knew he’d need to find some beauty products out here)

 

 So even though he was usually the life of any party Lance grew quiet. Not even the sight of Keith making the same exact mistake he’d made mere moments before only to spit out the nunvill all over Hunk didn’t bring a smile to his face. And the talk with the yellow paladin didn’t help either.

 

Lance needed to find a way to shake this gloomy atmosphere from himself. He cast his eyes over the heads of the gathered Arusions. Gaze catching a splash of green.

 

At least Lance wasn’t the only one who’d been acting somewhat grumpy throughout the party. He’d not even seen Pidge thus far during the festivities. And even now his features were pinched.

 

Since their last battle Pidge had been acting strange. Well, stranger than normal at least. The short boy had been more irritable as of late. Though his reclusive attitude and quiet demeanor was nothing new. Still he seemed…. Down to Lance. He was nothing if not an astute observer after all.

 

Hitching his easy smile up onto his face Lance squared his shoulder and moved through the crowd with an idea to cheer the green lion’s pilot up, Lance style.

 

Having no other plan in his head the tall boy pushed his way through the throng with ease.

 

“Hey Pidge--” He reached out, pulling on the shorter boy’s shoulder to halt him in his brisk stride. An arm came up swiftly knocking Lance’s hand away irritably. A move well practiced.

 

“What do you want Lance?” Now, believe it or not but the Cuban boy was actually fairly used to the other’s tone of voice being snippy with him (shockingly) But tonight it felt as if it held a harsher edge. Lance’s hands came up in a mock defensive gesture.

 

“Woah there! I just hadn’t seen ya yet. You uh… enjoying the party? You looked a bit blue so…” Lance trailed off after a tick, brows rising suggestively. He wondered if Pidge had gotten his joke,  _he_ was the blue paladin after all! Somewhere behind him Hunk was guffawing and… wait was that Keith? Laughing?

 

Momentarily distracted Lance turned to look, curiosity getting the better of him briefly. He wanted to see what all the hilarity was about. He’d never heard Keith laugh before! The boy wasn’t even being hyperbolic… he really couldn’t remember a time that he’d heard that beautifully mirthful sound… it was infectious. Lance tried not to ask himself why Keith never laughed at any of his jokes. He was hilarious after all.

 

Movement out of the corner of his eye brought Lance’s attention back to the here and now. Had Pidge been trying to escape? Not on his watch.

 

“You know you should try to mingle more! These Arusians are pretty funny. Not as funny as me of course!” Pidge began to fidget, shifting uneasily from foot to foot. Lance didn’t notice at all though as he continued to talk. “Like earlier! Oh you shoulda been there! Hunk was all like ‘we should have a cheer’ and I came up with this brilliant one right? And it’s so simple! So I’m trying to teach it to Keith but he doesn’t get it like at all! How did that guy even get into the garrison in the first place? I mean-”

 

“You sure focus on Keith a lot.” Pidge interrupted. Lance sputtered for a moment, but the other’s hazel eyes, which had previously been shifting restlessly, now locked onto Lance’s own and the green paladin steamrolled through his stuttered denials. “Oh sure you claim that it’s just because he was you rival back at the garrison. But that was like, what, years ago? Before I knew you for sure. I mean, who actually recognizes a rival by their hair? The back of their head even? It’s almost as if you  _like_ Keith. Like,  _like like_ him.” Lance desperately hoped that he could find his voice, but it was trapped as his throat tightened. “And he didn’t even know who you were at first. I mean you basically try to bully him for attention, like a child.

 

“I don’t know about you Lance but if the person I had a crush on said something like that to me…” Pidge let the end of his statement hang awkwardly in the air between them, shrugging before turning away, already a look of guilt crumpling his features. “Anyway Lance enjoy the party. Later.”

 

Lance didn’t hear the mumbled goodbye. He stood frozen. It wasn’t just his throat that was constricting. His chest felt as if it were shrinking. Ribs caging in his breath for a single moment that just stretched on for  _so long._

 

“Pppssssssshhhht no way!” Lance’s voice was louder than he’d meant it to be when he finally spoke, not yet realizing that he was alone once more. A few of the tiny aliens looked at him curiously before going back to their own merry making.

 

Lance wished that he could as well.

 

Why couldn’t he though? It wasn’t like Pidge was right after all. In fact, Lance was going to prove to the little know it all just how wrong he was. The little nerd didn’t know anything about dating or love! Yeah… yeah Pidge was just being crazy. Did the shorter boy even have a girlfriend? Lance remembered the picture that Hunk had found but waved his hands in the air irritably, as if to disperse the image. Lance had had a girlfriend before!  _Multiple_ girlfriends in the past. So many…

 

Before he could remind himself that he was, in fact, on an alien planet Lance’s gaze was flashing around the crowded floor looking for a girl. He was going to prove Pidge wrong.

 

Only there was only one girl…. Alien… girl alien that he had any interest in.

 

And there she was! Standing at the top of the grand staircase, looking out over the balcony as if begging to be noticed by a knight in shining armor. Or a paladin as it were.

 

Had she spotted him? For Allura’s graceful figure was descending into the crowd.

 

Lance’s crooked smile felt forced, (but he tried to convince himself that it wasn’t) he ran a hand back through his hair, short locks falling back into place as the blue paladin headed towards the princess, trying to think of something he could pick the beautiful girl up with. Only no words came to mind. As he wracked his brain for  _any_ line he might use there was nothing. Just an endless expanse of blank.

 

That had never happened to him before. Lance was usually so good with words. A poet really.

 

His steps slowed and he rolled his neck, then his shoulders. Lance was warming himself up. A swift pep talk escaping him quietly.

 

“It’s okay. Calmese. Pidge just threw ya off. You got this. Been a stressful couple days. It’s normal to be a bit off your game… ya just gotta start with something simple… a compliment!” Again a few of the Arusians around him shot the boy strange looks. But this time Lance simply ignored them.

 

Her hair. That was simple enough right? It looked as soft as a cloud and –

_So dark, like the night sky, the space between stars.. Lance just wanted to comb his fingers through those black locks to see if they were as silken as they looked._

 

Lance blinked and shook his head.

 

No that wasn’t right. Let’s try this again.

 

Allura’s eye! They were mesmerizing with their-

_Unique hue of violet that held such intensity that Lance felt as if they pierced right through him whenever they met his own._

 

A scowl shattered his strained flirtatious expression. Lance passed Allura without saying anything. She did the same. His pride wasn’t even hurt at the discovery that he wasn’t the one she’d been heading for. His mind was otherwise occupied. Already plunged back down into the despondency he’d been trying to escape. Now with an entirely new level filled with new doubts and questions.

 

The blue paladin wandered the castle, looking for a quiet place. But even deep in the maze of hallways the sounds of merriment echoed.

 

He found himself on the bridge. The same thought that had been repeating in his head slipped from his lips, voice filled with his own obvious frustration.

 

“Keith? Really? How even. No me digas.”

 

His mind moved in a non-sequitur stream of consciousness. Pulling forth random memories to dissect every interaction with the other. All the way from the first ever recollection of Lance laying eyes upon him.

_He’d been so excited to have been accepted into the garrison. Sure his class wasn’t as cool as the fighter pilots’, but Lance was determined to work his way up!_

_As the cargo division filed in Lance spotted Hunk, in line with the other engineers, who quickly waved at him before standing at attention once more. The wide smile upon his features mirrored Lance’s own. The Cuban boy gave his friend two thumbs up, pointer fingers snapping out in his signature gesture as his line came to a halt. Lance almost ran into the back of the girl in front of him. He could practically feel the effort it took for Hunk to not laugh out loud at him. But nothing could wipe this smirk from his features._

_To his right the fighter pilots were filing in next. Lance turned to look, excitement warring with jealousy inside of him_

_That was when cerulean eyes fell on him. This boy instantly stood out. With hair kept longer than the other’s, that looked windswept and so dark it didn’t even reflect the overhead lights._

_Lance remembered the back of Keith’s head because that was his first glimpse of the other boy, the line’s were organized first by class, then by rank. And that mullet had been standing up at the front. This was the view that he grew so very used to seeing over the next few semesters, Keith always just ahead of him. So close, and yet so far from his own reach, no matter how hard he tried._

 

To every fight they’d ever been in… most if not all of them instigated by Lance himself.

 

The blue paladin was not one to dissect his own reasoning behind the choices he made. He simply lived his life, a series of actions and reactions.

 

But now, all thanks to Pidge, Lance was really questioning  _why_ he’d always started fights with Keith, and still was.

 

He’d not always gone rounds with the other. Right? There had been a moment, a blissful short lived moment at the start where Lance had simply found his gaze following Keith. But that made since didn’t it? The other boy had always been such a natural at everything he tried his hand at. Unlike Lance, whose efforts were always painfully visible and somehow still fell so short, yielded so little. It was so strange to realize that he’d always been watching Keith.

 

But Keith had never once looked his way. The red paladin had only ever seemed to have eyes for Shiro. Not that Lance could blame him.

 

Now it was just a singular thought, a solitary word, a simple question that filled his head.

_Why?_

 

Keith was just so…. So…Brave. Appalled with himself and the traitorous thought Lance fell into a sitting position, shaking his head as he bent his long legs. No not brave! Impulsive! His decisions were always so rash! (Lance stoutly refused to acknowledge the times in which he had behaved very similarly.)

 

Okay let’s try this again. Pidge’s offensive accusation didn’t make since because Keith was just so… so… cute!

 

Cheese and crackers no! No! Keith was stupid. Not cute! That time before, merely minutes ago (holy crow really? It felt like so much longer to Lance) with the chant! That had been…. Crap who was Lance kidding it had been so cute. It had been a side of Keith Lance had never seen. Had never even known existed. And now Lance wanted this to happen more. To bring forth more new things that he could see of the red paladin, not just his angry reactions (which were of course hilarious in and of themselves. It was why Lance so often fought with the other boy… that and it seemed to be the only time Keith ever looked at him.) But earlier… earlier they hadn’t been fighting. Keith had been really looking at Lance. Really paying attention and it had made the blue eyed boy’s stomach flutter… he’d thought with laughter and exasperation at the time but now he recognized it as something else… like-

 

“Uh-oh” Lance groaned, dropping his head into his hands.

 

“Mind if I join you?”

 

Lance bit back a screech as a jolt of surprise flashed through his system. Coran had jumped down from the step, walking in front of the boy. He wasn’t sure if the strange alien was being considerate of him or simply dense by not turning to look at the boy as he tried to swiftly scramble after any thought at all to cover up what he’d just been actually thinking about.

 

He wished he could bury the sudden paranoia that filled him. Did Coran suspect anything? Did he know? Lance hated the panic that bubbled up in his stomach at the thought that the observant man did indeed have an inkling. But that wouldn’t make any sense at all, he reasoned with himself to no avail. LANCE hadn’t even known until moments previous!

 

What came out of the blue paladin’s mouth in an attempt to keep this new revelation a secret was something that Lance  _instantly_ regretted.

 

He hadn’t meant to talk about Earth. In fact it had been the first topic he’d wanted to avoid earlier that evening. Yet here he was. Making good decisions.

 

Lance felt his face fall and his shoulders slump as he watched with breath held as stars and planets and entire galaxies passed between where he was and his home. And that was just the distance scaled down!

 

It didn’t count Zarkon and his army. The war he’d found himself thrust into.

 

Lance remembered seeing the freed prisoner’s off, wishing them luck on their own ways home. Their words still so clear in his head… ‘we’d never dreamed we would see our families again’…

 

Well Lance had never dreamed he wouldn’t see them all again. Not until now.

 

The Cuban boy wasn’t aware that he’d started talking. When he did he almost stopped himself. Faltering for a moment like he had before. But Coran still wasn’t looking at him. Wasn’t interrupting him. The boy took in a shaky breath and instead of apologizing, as he’d done with Hunk (worried not just about himself, but of also sending Hunk down into this hole of homesickness alongside him) his voice nearly shook as he spoke.

 

“I miss rain.” Even as he finished, quieting for a moment, he could almost hear thunder as if from far away, like a storm gathering. But only the reminiscence of that earthy smell tickled against his nose.

 

Talking with Coran was somehow relaxing. Lance stood, eyes not focused on the map of the known universe suspended around him as if by magic. His blue gaze was distant, seeing something not truly there. Different stars that hung above an ocean so clear it mirrored the well known constellations perfectly.

 

Lance had been worried that talking about home would make the ache he felt in his chest worse. That it would spread like a hole in his heart until he fell into it. Instead it was like a weight was being lifted from his shoulders.

 

“I mean, Earth has volcanoes, and I guess when they go off it’s more like what you’re describing.” The conversations didn’t feel as forced as Lance thought it would. “I wish I could see the Ocean… at least one last time.” Lance had started out tentatively, voice filled with his longing, “Maybe take a final dip in it ya know? Ride at least one more wave. Who knows when I’ll get another chance.”

 

“Altea had Oceans.” Coran replied, his own eyes closing as he recalled his lost home. “The water was such a deep green. Beautiful to look at but wouldn’t want to get in, nit with the fearsome ochlizares and scochez swarming near the surface as they do.”

 

“What are those?”

 

“Well I’m not sure what they would be compared to from your planet, but they’re both types of sea creatures, the ochilizares have rows and rows and rows of teeth!” Coran had brought his arms up, fingers wiggling in a gesture to illustrate just how many teeth these things had.

 

“Hmmm… maybe like sharks?” Lance rubbed his chin in thought, but the orange haired advisor continued on.

 

“And the scochez will tear a man limb from limb they will. Swimming in the Ocean of Pandyvia was considered a test of courage for our bravest warriors!” He blinked, straightening out from the mock breast stroke he had been enacting to look at Lance. “What are sharks?”

 

Lance chuckled, it wasn’t forced, though it still didn’t hold the boy’s usual energy. “Never mind.”

 

He wasn’t sure how long they stood there, talking about things that they each missed the most, about animals and weather and anything that came to mind from their respective homes, one lost forever, one needing to be protected. But however short of time they had been solidified the blue paladin’s resolve. He would be one of those protectors. He wouldn’t let what happened to Altea befall Earth. Nor allow the Galran forces to enslave his family. (Whom he had not yet spoken of. It felt too … raw… too painful to try and talk of them… but it had helped his homesickness, and Coran was being such a good listener… maybe he could…) thinking of them had his mouth falling open, his sister’s name upon his tongue, when Coran looked over to Lance. A more comfortable sort of silence had fallen between them.

 

“We should probably head back to the party. Wish the Arusians a goodnight and see them off. We have a busy day coming up tomorrow after all. And as a paladin of Voltron rest is paramount!”

 

“Yeah… I need my beauty sleep.”

 

As Lance turned Coran’s hand came to rest on his shoulder gently.

 

“Don’t worry Lance. You will get home. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've gone through and done a little bit of editing on my own.


	3. Taking Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what happens in Lance's mind as he heals. He's just had a realization about his feelings for Keith and has to process, worries about his family gum this up in his own dreams. I'm so sorry that I'm so bad at these maybe someday I'll get better XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just gonna remind everyone that part one is the story thus far, and so most of these chapters, if you haven't noticed yet, are named after the episodes. Not all chapters will be like this but... yeah... also this chapter is almost completely unedited because I'm a day late in posting it and I just don't have the time or energy to read through it again. (If anyone would like to try and beta for me that'd be great lol) But yeah. ... I'm sure there was more but my brain is giving up for the night. So I hope everyone enjoys!

Chapter 3: Taking Flight

 

Lance didn’t know where he was. It was dark and a dull pain throbbed steadily throughout his body. He looked around but his movements were slow, as if he were moving through-

               

That was when Lance realized that he wasn’t breathing. He kicked his feet and shot upwards. Head breaking past warm water. As he gasped for air he shook his head to clear his vision, looking around in an attempt to orient himself. The sun was bright and high in the sky. How had it been so dark beneath the surface?

               

“There’s no way you could pull that off again!” Clara snorted, her voice still held the beautiful lilt of an accent that came from speaking English only as a second language. The sort of inflection that Lance had struggled to rid himself of. She shook her head in disbelief from where she sat on her own board.

               

“Woooooaaahhh!” Came the dueled voices that had Lance snapping his head in the opposite direction, twisting his body in the water. Both of his younger siblings were standing knee deep in the ocean that surrounded him. The soft sands of Veradera beach stretched out behind them.

               

“You gotta show me how to do that!” David was laughing as he jumped up.

               

“Like you even could!” Mia splashed the boy.

               

“What?” Lance blinked, confusion filling him. Clara was shouting towards the other two, an empty threat about what she would do if they didn’t start getting along  _right this instant._

               

Lance continued to tread water as he tried to make since of what had happened, what was happening.

               

His sister wasn’t giving him a chance to process though, as she hollered across the water, language switching to Spanish as her choice of words grew more colorful. Without thought Lance grabbed the edge of her board, pulling himself up as his voice filled a question.

               

“What the cheese just hap-”  They were both suddenly flipped over, splashing into the water. In his own hectic eagerness he’d not been paying attention to how hard he pushed into the wood.

               

Clara came up sputtering, sending a small wave over her younger brother.

               

“Que diablos Lance!” She coughed.

               

“Language-” He murmured absentmindedly, even though they were nowhere near either of the younglings.

               

“WHAT THE HELL LANCE!” This wasn’t repeated just to irritate the boy, but because he had just pinched her arm none too gently, before repeating the action to his own. It was so real… though there was still a strange underlying ache that felt as if it were right beneath the surface of his skin.

               

“I’m not dreaming?” He asked out loud.

               

“What are you talking—of course you’re not!”

               

The calls of his younger siblings drew his attention towards the shore and he began to swim towards them with Clara still clamoring behind him. Lance ignored her. By the time he could touch the boy was out of breath. This didn’t stop him from stumbling towards Mia and David, picking the later up and hugging him close before dropping to his knees and pulling his sister to him as well.

               

“You’re really real…” He babbled, feeling a thickness in his throat. “I missed you guys so much! I didn’t think I’d ever--”

               

“Oh I see, they get hugs but I get pinched, cool Lance.” Lance could practically hear the curse word she’d barely bitten back from calling him due to the close proximity of the other younger two.The boy released his grip, standing as the two little ones stumbled back and giggled. Clara was walking up. Her long curly hair a disshelved mess atop her head, dripping wet. She held out both her board and Lance’s. “You forgot this.” With a practiced movement she pushed the tail end of her own into the sand, eyeing her brother. “Mind telling me what the heck all of that was about-Leandro?”

               

Lance shook his head again, as if that alone could disperse his confusion. “You know I hate being called that… and nothing?” His answer was unsure. The word felt wrong upon his tongue.

               

“Well whatever. It’s getting late, we should probably head home. Dinner’ll be ready for you brats soon!”

               

Lance raised his perfectly sculpted brows in surprise. “No way the sun was just-” he’d pointed towards the sky, where he could have sworn was at it’s zenith. But now it hung low over the water, which reflected the deep orange and purple hues of the sunset that now washed across the wide open expanse above him.

               

It was breathtaking but Lance couldn’t enjoy it. A chill breeze had replaced the warm kiss of summer against his skin. He couldn’t place where the hours had gone and puzzled over it. He turned to ask Clara if she knew what was going on. But as his eyes landed on his siblings their shadows seemed to twist as they elongated. The growing darkness around him felt heavy and the gathered twilight shifted their retreating forms grotesquely.

               

“Hey wait up!” Lance shouted nervously. As he caught up with them he leaned towards the eldest. “Is everything okay?”

               

“Si, porque?” She was giving him such a strange look that Lance once more murmured nothing.

               

Abruptly pain like he’d never known shot down through his body, sinking into his very bones and leaving his skin prickling unpleasantly. But it passed as quickly as it had come. He’d kept pace with the other’s, steps not even faltering somehow. The agony gone too swiftly that Lance questioned if he’d felt anything at all.

               

As they approached the pueblo style home music danced through the air, as it almost always was within and around the boy’s home. A sad smile curled his lips up… only Lance couldn’t figure out why he’d be sad.

               

The source of the melody became evident as they entered the large three story home. Each of them kissing their hands before placing them on the cross that hung right within the entryway. Something that Lance had never really thought about before. It was simply something that they all did. But now, bringing his fingers to his lips slowly, he realized how long it had been since he’d even made this motion.

                               

The living room had been cleared and an old Hispanic man was snapping his cane towards a young man as salsa thumped out of an old radio. “*Keep your back straight! Your body needs to flow more naturally with the song!*”

               

“I’m trying grandp- I mean Senior Vicente!” Mason, Clara’s fiancé stated, shifting out of the stance he’d been in when he spotted them all.

               

“* I didn’t tell you to stop dancing! And you know Spanish so speak it!*”

               

“Buenos noches abuelo.” Lance went up to hug the old man, wondering again why he felt the need too. He and his Cuban Grandfather did not often hug upon simple greetings.

               

Lance didn’t get the chance to complete the gesture however, for the other threw his hands up in the air as Clara spoke accusingly.

               

“You guys started without me!”

               

“*This tonto desesperado needs all the practice he can get or your first dance as husband and wife will be a nightmare instead of a dream!*”

               

They could easily hear as their grandmother tutted from the kitchen, already the sweet scent of spices drifted into the living room teasingly. Lance’s mouth began to water. “*David, Mia come help your Aunt Lucina set the table porfavor!*” Her scratchy voice rang through the house. Groaning the two children ran for the dining room, each pushing the other out of the way in an attempt to be the first there.

               

“Where are Grandpa Lori and Grandpa Nathan?” Clara asked, stretching to warm up. Mason had stopped moving, his eyes glazed over and a goofy smile upon his features as he watched.

               

Grandpa Vicente swiftly tapped his cane once more, “out in the greenhouse, where Loretta always is.” He muttered, shaking his head as if he could not see the merit in gardening, even though he’d owned farmland down in Cuba. It had made since to grow food, but flowers? Bah! Lance could practically hear these thoughts.

               

The sound of key’s jingling and the door opening once more had Lance turning to see his mother breezing into the house, her sandy blond hair falling from the up do she placed it in every day, still in her scrubs from work. She sighed tiredly, slipping out of her shoes.

               

“Busy day momma?” Clara chimed in, and the woman simply nodded.

               

Lance felt oddly removed from everything as he looked on. His family was all behaving very… normally. Business as usual with all of them.

               

But  _nothing was normal!_  Was it?

               

Again that weird excruciating sensation worked through his body. Once more ending as soon as it descended into his perception. This time a dull ache lingered upon him like a weight, dragging his limbs down.

               

“Mijo!” A sudden harsh voice snapped Lance back to the here and now.

               

Officer Learco McClain was standing before Lance. His father’s intimidating figure wasn’t even enough to chase away this feeling of wrongness that permeated everything.

               

“Pay attention. Tomorrow make time, we are going to the shooting range. You have to work on your hit average.”

               

“No…”

               

Lance had simply whispered this but his dad’s eyes flashed with irritation at his son’s insubordination.

               

“Excuse me?”

               

“Something is wrong.”

               

Learco was shaking his head. “There’s nothing wrong here. There’s something wrong with you.”

               

Lance felt his stomach bottom out, body shivering as if he’d just been dunked in ice water.

               

“Oh hush,” His mother pushed past the man, shooting him a quelling glare, he was always hardest on Lance. “There’s nothing wrong.”

               

“Come on Lance let’s eat!” David’s voice broke through Lance’s thoughts in a way that his mother’s could not and he shook himself, looking over to his younger brother. “After dinner wanna play some Mario Kart?” The boy was pulling on his arm but Lance slipped it out of his grasp.

               

“Where’s Hunk?” Was that it? Was it just because his best friend wasn’t around at dinner time, as he typically was?

               

“He’s fine mi querido.” Aunt Lucina said, trying to guide Lance into the dining room.

               

But no. Something was too erroneous here and it wasn’t just Hunk’s absence. Words, memories, and faces all swam disjointedly behind his lids as he closed them, hoping to chase away this feeling of oddness. It didn’t work.

               

When he opened his eyes again Lance had been herded into the dining room. Everyone had sat down. The boy looked at his vacant chair and it was like that emptiness mirrored in his own chest, expanding with a density that dragged him down.

               

“Come on mijo, sit down.” His father’s tone made it clear that this was not a request.

               

“But… the Galra…” Lance’s voice faltered, for the family was already eating. He took in a deep breath. “I have to go back. My team…Voltron-” Lance wished that he could organize his thoughts so that he’d say a real, full sentence.

               

“What nonsense are you talking about?” Learco was shaking his head and giving his wife a pointed look.

               

“What about Pidge? What about Hunk? What about Shiro and Allura and Coran and… I … I have to go!”

               

“What about your family? Who are these people?”

               

Another wave of pain broke over him. Like an echo of something, an injury he’d suffered. It wasn’t immediate but it was there and as it passed it left him nauseated.

               

David’s voice sounded from behind him as Lance turned.

               

“But you can’t go bro! What about my soccer? You promised that you’d teach me how to do your special move!

               

Lance grit his teeth, “I still will-” right?

               

Clara spoke next, “what about my wedding, will you be back for that?” Lance almost turned around. He couldn’t hear the normal sounds of silverware clattering and hums of his family enjoying his grandma’s cooking.

               

It felt as if all of their gazes were boring into his back.

               

“I don’t know Clara-”

               

“Where do you think you’re even going?” His dad’s words cut through him and the boy scrambled after his reasoning before it could escape him.

               

“T-they… they need me-”

               

“What about us Leandro?” Sarah McClain’s voice was so soft, so filled with patience as it always was. The opposite of his father’s.

               

“They’re in danger.”

               

“Of course they’re not!” His grandma Loretta’s tone was crisp and final. “Everyone is just fine. Come now, sit with us!”

               

Lance’s hand rested upon the doorknob, shoulder’s shaking as he tried to force himself to open it. Just turn and push. That was all there was too it. Easy peasey.

               

“They… need me?”

               

“Do they?” Learco of course was the one to voice Lance’s buried worry, bringing it to the surface.

               

“Y-yes!” He shouted, spinning around. He’d been right. Everyone was looking at him. “I pilot the blue lion! I’m Voltron’s leg! Without me they can’t form Voltron at all. They can’t fight the Galra! I need to be there! To protect them! To protect you!”

               

Slowly everyone turned back to their plates, conversation around the table picking back up as if it had never been interrupted at all.

               

“Is that really all?” Learco was the only one who’s eyes were still locked onto Lance. The boy didn’t even know what his dad meant and shrugged stiffly, turning his back to his family once more.

               

Only as he opened  the door to step out into the night it wasn’t to his front yard. As he took a step snow crunched beneath his feet.

               

Startled Lance spun. The door and his house were gone. White flakes drifted lazily down from the sky. Though he could see his breath crystallizing before him Lance felt no chill. The snow that blanketed the ground also seemed to dull the sense of urgency he’d felt mere moments ago.

               

“Are you even listening to me Lance?” He twisted around. Out of the darkness and flurry stepped someone Lance hadn’t thought he’d ever see again.

               

“Keira?” He asked, disbelievingly. They had met over holiday. Lance, miserable in the cold Jackson winter, the rest of his family enjoying the ski lodge. The only thing at that time that had made it bearable… memorable even, had been this beautiful girl. Her eyes were so dark from beneath her coal straight fringe. Skin as pale as the snow that fell around them and she’d had a bright and contagious laugh. Lance had loved trying to get her to make that bell like sound, which was not an easy task. They’d had such a short time together, yet the boy still remembered her so clearly.

               

“Still roll down hills that you’re supposed to snowboard Mr.’ Wave rider?’” The way Keira teased had always been on the rougher side of things. Lance nodded mutely, rubbing the back of his head.

               

“Uh yeah, you weren’t the greatest teacher.”

               

Her laughter rang out like a clear chime in the cold still air. They began to walk through the night. “what have you been up too?” Lance asked. She shrugged. Pulling words from her was about the same as getting the dark haired girl to giggle.

               

“What about you ‘Leandro?’”

               

“Come on you know I prefer Lance!” The boy didn’t answer her question however and the silence stretched on. He looked up. Clouds obscured the stars. A slow and building tension coiled in Lance. He was forgetting something important. He knew he was.

               

“Well? you gonna tell me or are you trying to charm me with silence and mystery  _for once.”_

It was his turn to shrug. He went to slip his hands into his pockets, a signature posture of his. But there were none and as his right hand passed over his thigh he heard a soft sound and felt a sudden weight against his palm

               

The blue bayard had materialized out of the paladin armor. Which he now wore.

               

“Lookin good  _Leandro_.” Keira snorted. “So you’ve been what, playin power rangers or something?”

               

Lance looked down at the item in his hand, it fit so perfectly there, as if it were meant for him. He wasn’t even sure what it was. He could feel the memories struggling to make themselves known within him.

               

“I’ve been … fighting Zarkon…” He didn’t care that the girl was outright laughing at him, for the strain that had been twisting inside of his chest reared up and morphed into a palpable dread.

               

“My friends… they’re in danger! I have to get back to them! “Lance pivoted trying to figure out which direction he needed to go in.

               

“Calm down hermano, or you’re going to have a conniption.” Clara stood next to Keira now, wearing a flared skirt and a cropped halter. Apparently as immune to the snow as he was.

               

“*Where are you off too?*” Grandpa Vicente’s voice sounded to the boy’s right, but he couldn’t spot the man anywhere around him. Other voices joined the older male’s.

               

Lance covered his ears and squeezed his eyes shut.

               

“I have to get back,” he shouted past the cacophony, “I have to save Pidge! And Hunk! And Allura! They all need me! Keith needs me!”

               

The silence descended so suddenly that it was almost like a weight and his head ached with the ringing emptiness that was left.

               

Only Keira was there still. She advanced towards Lance, who matched her steps backward. It didn’t seem to matter because when he blinked she was suddenly before him in the dark. The snow had stopped falling and hung suspended in the air around them eerily. As if time itself had stopped.

               

“Keith…” The name dropped from her lips almost like a sickly sweet poison, followed by the rest of her words, settling into Lance. Almost as if it was a way to seal his fate. “Is that the boy you like?”

               

“Yeah!” Lance had answered without thought, but a moment later his heart seemed to have jumped up into his throat and he shook his head as a flush heated his olive cheeks. “I mean no! Well-like- okay he’s a cool guy and we’re teammates or whatever and I guess you could say that we’re friends-” Lance couldn’t meet Keira’s dark gaze, could feel how it saw through all of his useless words. Only one still hung inside of him. ‘like’ was made of tensile. Was too weak to stand alone. Was too breakable to hang over his hear like it did now.

               

“Lance do you like me?”

               

He couldn’t keep his deep blue gaze from snapping to meet hers with how blunt the question was. His own eyes were wide, their color warming to an ocean azure in confusion. “Of course I do! Or… or I did… I mean you-”

               

“The same way you like this Keith?”

               

Once more Lance found his tongue tied, a silence not like him at all expanding from the number of excuses, explanations, and denials that were trying to escape him. But they failed as the truth broke over him.

               

“Yes.” He choked

               

Keira released Lance then and stepped back, her head tilted to the side. Lance wanted to bring her back to him. To attempt once more to drag his denials around him. As if he could lie to himself, insist that he’d been mistaken. He couldn’t like Keith because he didn’t like boys. But… even thinking that felt wrong, mind reeling with more memories. The girl drew him from them, but her next words were far from comforting.

                               

“How are you going to face your family?” She breathed life into the core of his fears with this realization.

               

“I-I don’t have time…” Lance was shaking. He could feel it, or perhaps it was everything else in his world that was trembling. “My team, they’re in danger-” There was no safe place for his mind to turn too. But the need to make it back to the castle, to Voltron, outweighed this new revelation. In fact Lance was pretty sure he could just go back to sweet ignorance.  He turned away from Keira, who was now as still and gray as a statue. But even as he moved Lance felt hands catching his sleeves, he flinched away from David’s voice.

               

“Why are you leaving us?”

               

“Why are you hurting us like this?” His grandma Loretta’s voice was next and Lance knew that if he turned to look she would be clutching her rosary tightly in her withered hand. No doubt praying for him. The boy wished he could do something, anything to stop their accusations. No longer sure if it was that he was leaving them or it was who it was he loved… that earned him this.

               

Loved? No. Lance hadn’t meant for that word to cross his mind. Nor for Keith’s visage to rise. But as soon as it had a sharp guilt twisted like a knife in his chest.

 

“If he really is the one maybe it’s best that you don’t come back.” This last comment landed like a blow from his dad, and Lance didn’t have time to try and gather himself before a rushing filled his ears, dragging up him up and away

 

***

 

 

Water was filling his eyes as he blinked rapidly. A too bright bluish glow surrounded him and Lance couldn’t quite feel his limbs. Vaguely the boy could make out conversation, though the words made little sense to him.

 

“Winning what? The intergalactic time competition?” And even though the voice that replied sounded so irritated it was the best sound Lance had ever heard.

 

“Yes!” Oh he knew that voice… that was his best bud… someone who’d stay by his side no matter what… right?

 

Even more distantly came his own voice filling words that were surprisingly comprehensible, “you guys having a clock party or something?” They were slurred, though he wasn’t sure if that was more in his own head or not.

 

The first sensation that made it past the strange numbness that encompassed his body was the warm squeeze of Hunk’s arms circling his frame and lifting him.

 

Everything  for the next…. However long (Time had become kind of strange) blurred together. Lance was only indistinctly aware of what was happening. Mind trying to reconcile too much information. But slowly it all began to come together. At least… at the start it was slow. But once the memories  had  been invoked, trickling back in as Team Voltron caught him up it was like a dam had broken. Every moment flooding clearly, though for a tick Lance struggled to separate the nightmarish scenes from his time in the healing pod and the equally nightmarish scenes of Sendak taking over the Castle. Sure Lance had been weak (he’d been practically  _blown up_ after all) he’d barely been able to move. But he’d still been mostly conscious, able to hear what was going on. Weaving in and out of awareness each time pain had flared across his body but unable to move or speak.

 

Lance kinda wished, in that sarcastic way of his, that he  _had_ been blown up. It would have been simpler. Ah well chance missed. Good thing he was in a war. He was sure another Galra would come around and do the job right. And in the meantime he’d fight to save the universe he supposed.

 

Lance blinked slowly, holding a spoonful of food goo out to the mice. He’d had to cover up the scowl that passed over his features. Holy crow that had been dark.

 

Instead of continuing that train of thought Lance tried to focus on the conversation at hand, only that was hard too. Because everyone was looking at him. A strange enough sensation on its own. Making sure that he was really okay and that the pod had done its job.  Perhaps they were thinking that his head was still a bit scrambled, and that they should pop him back in. Honestly they wouldn’t be wrong either. And if this was something that a quick nap in the cool unit would take away Lance would be all for it.

 

Feeling Keith’s gaze upon him? Not normal. And of course the main problem with that was how hard of a time Lance was having not looking at the red paladin in return, lest their eyes catch and Keith somehow figured it out. Not focusing on him and nothing else. If the boy had a say he’d just let the rest of the world fall away from him while he did so.

 

And so all there was left to do to keep himself from  _that_  was feed the mice, make random comments while keeping his own blue eyed gaze dropped down.

 

As he listened and sifted through all of the information he came to a decision. It didn’t matter if he had a crush on Keith. (Not saying that he even did of course! This wasn’t an admission or anything!) Because he couldn’t  _do_ anything about it. Before anything could come of this…. Maybe possibly probably being into guys and girls thing Lance had to tell his family. He had to know. Had to see with his own eyes what their reactions would be. For his family he could keep quiet. Yeah sure they were Catholic but… but his family was everything to him. If they really were against him loving Kei-

 

Lance had to cut off that thought process. No one was saying the L word! Or tying it to the other boy!

 

Anyway there were like a million other reasons why he couldn’t say anything right?

 

There was Voltron! Something like this could totally wreck the tentative connection all of them had made thus far with each other. Which was precarious at best, without this adding to it. For the team Lance could keep quiet.

 

Regardless, even if Lance did tell Keith there’s no telling what the hot headed pilot would do. Probably punch Lance square in his beautiful face. He was always annoyed with the Cuban, finding this out would just add disgust onto that…right?

 

There were just  _so many reasons_  Lance could even list off more! So many more…

 

That’s right. Lance would just have to ignore this… whatever it was. Hope that it would go away and in the meantime he’d just go about things normally! As normal as this new life allowed at least.

 

Okay… so what would normal Lance do right now?

 

“Wow, thanks everybody! Sounds like the mice did more than you Keith.” He kept his tone purposefully light, bright smile hitched up into place feeling more unnatural than ever before.

 

“I punched Sendak!” If Lance wasn’t focusing so hard on acting ‘normal’ he might have found the tone of Keith’s voice, more flustered than he’d ever heard, comical.

 

“Yeah, apparently after I emerged from a coma and shot his arm off!” Lance shot back, raising a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

 

“We had a bonding moment! I cradled you in my arms!” It was just him Lance knew, that heard that strange desperate edge to those words… right?

 

Lance’s heart was pounding loudly and had hopped up into his throat. He thanked all the saints that he didn’t blush that easily and tried hard to not recall how Keith’s heat had felt even through their armor. “Nope! Don’t remember. Didn’t happen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've gone through and done a little bit of editing on my own recently.


	4. The Mice and their Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's follow the mice around for a bit as they follow Lance around for a bit yeah?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woooo another unedited chapter for your reading chapter. Sorry it's taken so long my laptop is busted so I borrowed a friends to get this typed up. I have the next like 15 chapters written up in my notebook OTL just gonna be sporadic on when I can get them posted and eventually I'll try to read through all of these myself to do corrections.

Chapter 4: The Mice and Their Secrets

The four mice were practically inseparable. Perhaps it was because they’d spent 10,000 years together in the cryo-pod. Or maybe they’d simply always been that close.

 

Though they usually spent their nights piled next to Allura on her pillow there were times when they would wander the castle, or seek out other cuddle companions. Coran was a loud snorer so they would normally skip over him. Keith was scary when he was startled awake, something they had learned the hard way of course. Hunk was always good for a scratch between the ears. Most commonly the four of them sought out the paladin that most needed them though. They were still animals after all, and could smell anger, fear, sadness, the strongest of emotions carried very distinct odors to their sensitive snouts. They’d spent about as much time with Shiro as with Allura, comforting each in different ways. Every so often they would visit Pidge. Dragging her away from the computer screens when exhaustion pulled her lids down. Each seemed to be suffering their own personal pains. And though they shared much with their dear princess, they did not share all. While the Altean mice were telepathically connected now to Allura and each other, they couldn’t actually read minds at will.

 

Tonight they were heading to another Paladin. The blue one always smelled of loneliness. One that was almost as deep as their princess’s. They had learned the word that came with this scent well enough. Homesickness.

 

Though as they approached their chosen companion for the evening a different scent cloyed in the air. Something new, one that had the space mice curious. It was an essence they hadn’t yet encountered. Their inquisitiveness is what sent them too Lance’s room even faster than before, scurrying through the ventilation systems, their roadway through the entirety of the castle.

 

When they reached his room the first thing they noticed was that the boy was moaning in his sleep. They thought that it must be a nightmare and so began to climb up the side of his bed.

 

“Keith-” Lance breathed.

 

Chuchule was the first to make it to the top. The pink whiskers twitching. Weird. These were not the reactions they’d grown used to seeing when a human was having a nightmare. Lance himself had suffered through them. (all of the Earthlings had) For one his voice, it wasn’t laced with a fear that permeated the air around him. His gangly body was not drenched in a cold sweat, nor were his long limbs thrashing about. Instead the sounds that escaped him were airy and filled with something that the mice did not recognize but which matched this strange new aroma that lay heavy in the air around them. His cheeks below the sleeping mask were flushed red and while he was sweating it wasn’t the clammy chill of night terrors but pure heat that radiated from the boy.

 

Dreams were not something that Altean’s had, and so the four of them did not really understand well enough what exactly their human friends were going through. They only knew what had to be done. The blue paladin had to be woken up.

 

As Platt made it to the top of the bed, rolling onto his back and gasping for breath, the other three took a running start and bounded from his rotund stomach and onto Lance. Using their tales they tickled at the boy’s nose until…

 

Lance shot up, sending the three colorful creatures falling into his tangled covers. A sneeze resting in his nose. Only after he’d let loose a barrage of them was he finally able to tear the mask from his eyes, blurrily shaking his head as if that alone could shake loose the visages of the dream which still clung to him. All bare skin and undulating movements.

 

Lance could almost convince himself that he’d been dreaming of the ocean if not for the evidence right beneath the covers that he’d bunched up around his hips while he slumbered. He lifted said blankets, groaning in both frustration and relief at the stiffy which tented the blue altean robes he wore as pajamas. The dueled response was because the dream hadn’t pushed him to release and Lance refused to touch himself to the thought of the red paladin. He would feel too dirty doing so, which of course meant that he’d not masturbated at all since his assisted revelation because Keith was literally always on his mind now.

 

It looked like it would be another cold shower morning.

 

Lance jumped and clamped a hand over his mouth in an attempt to stop himself from screeching, for the four space mice had squeaked up at him from where they’d been flung so rudely.

 

“Are you the ones that woke me up? Gracias!” There was true gratitude in his voice, but now Lance didn’t really know how to handle himself with others in the room (even if they were rodents) he cleared his throat awkwardly keeping the comforter heavy around his waist. “Okay well thanks again I uh… I need to shower now and everything…” The four of them didn’t budge in the slightest, all looking up at him, heads tilting in tandem. “So I could use some privacy? Ugh do you even understand that? Do you even understand me?”

 

Of course they understood him! They weren’t stupid. Allura was the only one they could really talk back to though. They were going to stay close to Lance for a little bit. For the strange heady scent had taken on an edge that they almost recognized. It was like a mix of sadness and anger. But they didn’t have a word for this new thing yet.

 

Lance sighed and dropped his head. When he finally did move (after a failed attempt to simply will his boner away) the boy just had to cling his blankets to him, making sure that as he moved towards the bathroom that they didn’t slip an iota. He thanked the saints that he didn’t run into anyone in the hallway, which seemed so much longer than ever before.

 

He didn’t’ let out the breath he’d not even been aware of holding until the sound of the door sliding shut signaled that he was well and truly alone. Though he looked around just to make sure before really relaxing, letting everything go. The blankets, followed by his clothes pooled around his feet and he cranked the cold water up, stepping beneath the fall swiftly. If everything else hadn’t thoroughly woken him this surely would have.

 

Lance allowed the icy shower wash down over his form, not moving until both his mind and body had calmed down. Until the loud pounding of his heart steadied. The boy knew that the altean mice could not read his mind, yet he was sure for a moment that he’d been found out.

 

It was here that the routine Lance had set up for himself out here in space truly saved him. As it had on Earth. Instead of focusing on the anxieties that built up within him Lance rinsed off the face mask, instead of allowing the multitudes of ‘what if’ scenarios to play like a horror movie he scrubbed down his body, imagining that it wasn’t just the sweat he was rinsing away but all the other things, his guilt and his fears. So that by the time he’d stepped out he felt refreshed and ready for the new day.

 

It surprised him to find that the mice were still there, lined up on the edge of his bed, all staring at him with keen gazes. Lance blinked before pivoting and going out the door. “Wonder what the Princess has in store for today.” He stated. In the hallway a deep quiet permeated the air. The type of silence that only existed in the very early hours of the morning (not that he knew what time it was, as they were in friggin space) But, even though the castle ship was vast Lance just instinctively knew no one else was awake. “You could have told me that it was so early!” He accused sarcastically, looking down at the four rodents. They answered by literally shrugging before climbing up Lance’s pant leg and resting along his shoulders.

 

“Ch, whatever.” Lance muttered, yawning widely and shoving his hands deep into  his jacket pockets. “Not like I could sleep more anyway.”

 

It was becoming a habit for the blue paladin to wander the halls whenever he was feeling restless. And so that’s what he did now. Though it felt weird having company this time. And though he knew they couldn’t answer him Lance being the talkative boy he was, began to fill the quiet.

 

“So how are you guys doing? Probably just happy to be awake huh? Since you don’t have the same worries as the princess-” The boy was barely aware of what he was saying. But just as it had with Coran, talking seemed to help relieve him. The topics were random, moving between speculating about how the mice were feeling to how Lance already missed planet Arus. Which of course led Lance blithely into talking about his home… and his family.

 

“You know my little brother David would love you guys. He’s always bringing home stray animals. Says he’s rescuing them, which, I mean, he’s not wrong I guess. I’ve caught him with everything from pigeons to snakes hiding in his room… thought I guess you guys don’t really know what those things are… um… snakes are long scaly things that don’t have legs and pigeons are birds, ya know, with wings and feathers and all that… anyway he’d think you guys were the cheese because you’re cute and little AND you’re fun colors… though you’d probably still scare my sisters…” He laughed, ignoring the tightness in his chest, squashing down the question of when he would see any of his family again… if he would.

 

“At least out here I have Hunk. He’s like a brother to me ya know? We’ve been together since we were like ten or something-” It was simpler talking about the big gassy genius, who was out here in space with him. In fact it was just easier to talk about all of his team members. Comparing their qualities to ones his siblings had. Like how Pidge was like Clara in some aspects, her fierceness and her determination. But also a bit like David, who so often tried to cover up his kind heart. Or how Shiro was so strong and methodical like his dad. (stronger even than his dad!) But still knew how to have fun like his mom. Lance just babbled on, until Keith’s name came to his lips so naturally. Obviously right? He’d have to talk about the boy if he was chatting about the team after all. It was the first time he’d faltered. He couldn’t compare the red paladin to a brother. “And man Keith… Keith is like a … well… he’s just always been my rival I guess-”

 

If Lance had any sense in his head he would have stopped there.

 

“Back at the garrison it was always ‘Lance and Keith neck and neck!’ it wasn’t just me saying that either! Iverson always pointed out that a cargo pilot like me didn’t have to try to out-do my class. That old fart was always calling me a show off, which I mean, why wouldn’t I? I’m amazing right? Not that that mullet headed jerk ever really noticed me apparently.” Lance fell quiet for a tick, a mere heartbeat, navy gaze dropped to his slippered feet as his stride slowed. ‘Definitely not in the way that I noticed him’ he thought to himself.

 

“It was just… our scores were always so close… but no matter what I did it was never enough. And everyone knew about him, even kids who weren’t in our year. It was hard not to notice him ya know?” ‘I was always looking.’

 

Lance’s rant continued, he was barely aware of what he was saying out loud and what he was simply thinking.

 

“And then he left the garrison, which was basically the best thing that could have happened to me.” ‘That victory had felt so empty and I always wondered why Keith was on my mind even when he wasn’t there.’ “But now we’re out here together…” Lance had stopped walking and held up his hands, flexing the long fingers. “We’re together but nothing has changed. Not really. He’s still always a step ahead of me. I’m still not enough, even now he barely acknowledges me. I don’t know, I just wish-”

 

Chuchule toppled down over his shoulder and into his hands. The others were scrambling to stay in place. Without realizing it Lance had been curling his body inwards and hunching down.

 

Nervous laughter broke out of him and Lance quickly righted his posture, helping all four mice onto his palms. “But enough about the mullet right? Back on Earth there were times that I’d had a girlfriend. I could use one of those out here. I bet I’ll be getting tons of chances to meet some cuties once Voltron starts really kicking Zarkon’s butt huh? Though that Nyma girl was pretty fine! Too bad she tried to steal blue. I could look into her eyes for ages. They were such a beautiful shade of purple…” Of course it wasn’t Nyma’s eyes that Lance was thinking about now, though that had been what drew the boy to her. Those dark violet depths…

 

Again the laughter that broke from him was sudden and filled with nervous tension.

 

“You know you guys are pretty good listeners!” Too good almost.

 

Lance was about to suggest going to see if anyone else was awake by now, since he wasn’t sure how long he’d been roving. He couldn’t trust his mouth around the small companions, when a delicious smell hit his noise and he inhaled deeply, a more natural smile lighting up his features. As he neared the kitchen door he heard the low murmur of voices coming from beyond the threshold and he wondered who else would be up. Not sure who he was even hoping for. Shiro was the most neutral party, Keith was an absolute no, not while Lance was still in such a twist about that boy. And Pidge…

 

“Good morning Hunk!”

 

The yellow paladin jumped where he stood at the counter when Lance came into the kitchen, turning and yawning as he waved his friend over. Pidge was sitting in one of the tall stools, frozen in place, computer held aloft to show Hunk something on the screen that made absolutely no sense to the blue paladin. Lance shifted his eyes over hi-her he corrected himself. Pointedly not looking at the girl.

 

Their last conversation, outside of team discussions, had been at the party. Lance wasn’t sure how he’d react if she tried to bring that particular topic up again with him. He hated the sudden tension that filled him.

 

“Dude don’t scare me like that. It’s too early-” The larger boy moaned, rubbing his eyes tiredly before focusing on Lance. He blanched, gaze widening. The reaction was such that the Cuban boy instantly brought a hand up to his face.

 

“What? Do I have something on me?”

 

Hunk simply gestured for a moment, before finding his voice. “Dude man, ya know I love you, but I just cannot abide with um…er… you know,” here Hunk held his hand up, his other pointing towards L ance’s four free-loaders. “Ya know, rodents in the kitchen. It’s unsanitary-”

 

Lance gasped, taking a step back and placing a hand over his heart. “Hunk how dare you! They’re not dirty!” he teased, voice taking on an air of feigned offense. He swept the small creatures into his palm, holding them out to Hunk. Chulatt brought a paw up in a dramatic gesture and Platt fell over, tongue lolling out. The other two looked on, blinking up at the young cook with imploring gazes. Eyes overlarge and shining with what could be unshed tears. “Look! You’ve hurt their feelings! Allura eats with them all the time and if it’s good enough for a princess… You gotta apologize now!”

 

Hunk was rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. “Yeah you’re right. I’m sorry little guys.” He held out his own fingers, Chuchule was the first to turn around and nibble forgivingly, hugging the large digit. Slowly the others followed suit until only Plachu remained, stubbornly, small arms crossed and nose up in the air, whiskers twitching in disdain at the slight. “Old habits are just hard to break you know? Like on Earth it’s um….. how do I put this delicately, bad…. Manners? For mice to be in a kitchen, it’s just not something I’m used to. Please little bud?” Hunk’s gaze grew thoughtful for a moment, eyes flashing up to meet with Lance’s blue for a little help, which were dancing with barely held back laughter.

 

“Hey now, maybe if Hunk made you something really yummy? A special treat just for you guys?” That had all of their attention. Small round ears perking up in interest and Lance’s snort finally escaped him as Platt began to drool.

 

“Oh hey yeah! Good idea Lance!” Hunk snapped his fingers and spun around to begin rummaging through the cupboards for ingredients… or anything edible really. (he was still obviously experimenting. Something Lance could not decide if he enjoyed or not…. On one hand he’d put some pretty questionable things in his mouth for the sake of the other boy. But when Hunk got it right man oh MAN did he get it right. So was the reward totally worth it? Yes.) 

  
Out of the corner of his eyes Lance could see Pidge roll her eyes, standing up and heading for the door. “I’ll show you the rest of the specs later Hunk… morning Lance.” She waved before exiting. Lance released a soft huff of air.

 

“What are you making?” Lance asked, peaking over the other’s broad shoulder.

“I’m not actually sure, but it’s breakfast.” Hunk stated, glancing over to study Lance for a moment, before releasing a massive sigh. “Man, you gotta clear the air with Pidge. She thinks you’re being weird because of the whole girl thing.”

 

“What? No way!” Lance blanched, body going stiff.

 

“Well if it’s not that then what is it?”

 

Lance wandered idly around the counter, his own stomach growling. Carefully the mice were deposited onto the tiled top. He avoided the other’s question with the sudden need for sustenance. Perhaps a bit of food goo to hold him over he thought. He reached out for the dispensary hose, and then it was his turn to jump as Hunk yelped.

 

“What the cheese man?” Lance had pivoted, and caught sight of the larger paladin cowering behind a tray.

 

“Never gonna trust that thing again.” Lance raised one of his perfectly arched brows. “I have some left overs if you’d like them, just…. Step away from the nozzle.” He motioned with one hand for Lance to come towards him, still holding the plate defensively.

 

Rolling his eyes Lance made his way back over to the counter, hefting himself up. “Fine. Feed me. But need I remind you that a food fight with the castle is not even close to as scary as almost being blown out into space.”

 

This time round Hunk rolled his own eyes, “Yeah I guess it was a good thing Keith was there to save you, lucky right? But dude, you need to get over that.”

 

Lance held up his hands, gaze narrowing and features morphing into an exaggerated look of confusion. A mask. And dios mio was he happy that Pidge had already exited the kitchen. He knew that Hunk couldn’t possibly hear how hard and fast his heart was beating. But just in case Lance’s mouth fell open, ready to fire back, not even sure what it was he would say.

 

But Lance didn’t even get out a single word.

 

Keith walked through the doorway, pitch bangs clinging to his forehead and white towel draped over his shoulders. A corner of it lifted to wipe his neck.

 

Lance’s gaze followed a rolling drop of sweat down the other boy’s jaw line, gulping audibly. Something about training; fighting, brought out the light in Keith’s eyes. Highlighting the various hues of amethyst. Lance was helpless to drag his eyes away.

 

Something the mice took notice of.

 

It wasn’t until Keith drew closer that the blue eyed boy was able to snap himself out of the admirational stupor he’d fallen into.

 

Lance raised his hands up to his face with an overdramatic flourish, covering his nose. “Peeeeeeeeyoooooo Keith! Ever heard of a shower?”

 

“Ever heard of training?” The other boy shot back, breathtaking eyes narrowing in Lance’s direction. It took everything within the blue paladin not to simply melt in that very moment, on that very spot on the counter. He rose to the argument happily, if it meant that gaze would stay locked on him, even for just a tick longer.

 

Lance waved his hands in a dismissive gesture. “Defenders of the universe shouldn’t look so…” ‘Hot’ “Messy! You know, for our adoring masses!”

 

“What adoring masses?” Keith had walked over to the sink, pulling out one of the small gray cups and filled it with water. “Yeah well we shouldn’t be so lazy all the time either!” He began to gulp hurriedly.

 

“Don’t blame me just because you didn’t get your beauty sleep.” Not that he needed it.

 

Keith slammed his cup down with such force that Lance felt how it shook the countertop and spun around without another word, stomping from the room in a huff.

 

Hunk had startled from where he’d been mixing ingredients furiously in his attempt to ignore the other two and had ended up with a good portion of whatever it was he was making splattered over his apron. He released a large sigh, taking care to gently place the bowl upon the table. He rubbed the back of his neck as he turned back to Lance.

 

“Maybe you shouldn’t like –always- pick fights with him you know.”

 

“Pffft whatever- you’re just taking his stinky side.” Lance’s pout was exaggerated as he looked away.

 

“Noooo,” Hunk shook his finger as he drew out the single word. Lance wasn’t sure what else his old friend said as he launched into what Lance knew was a well deserved lecture, but his voice faded into the background as static filled the Cuban boy’s head.

 

At least this charade was easy to keep up.

 

All four of the space mice studied Lance’s face as his blue eyes stayed locked on the door. The boy’s usual animated features fell. Almost as if storm clouds had passed over, entirely muting him. From eyes that swirled with an abiding gray that dulled them to his lips curving just ever so slightly downward, pulling his usually expressive brows flat and creating a frown line between them. From how his shoulders hunched and his legs drew up onto the counter as if he were curling in on himself.

 

The mice had never once seen the lively blue paladin in such a state and realized that they were only witnessing this quiet moment because Lance thought no one was watching him. For as soon as Hunk turned around all of the heavy gloom that had settled over the boy’s form, bent him low, was instantly replaced with a smile so natural the mice would have never guessed the appearance that had been there mere ticks ago. Though they could still smell the bitter odor of that dense melancholy in the air.

 

And though none of them could read Lance’s mind they all shared a glance and a thought. Understanding and an inkling flowing between them. As they each climbed back up his clothing until they were again perched on his shoulder, nuzzling into his neck to show their silent support, each of them came to the same conclusion simultaneously.

 

Some secrets should be kept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> went through and edited this on my own a bit.


	5. Eye of the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was these maddening thoughts that tormented him with what could never be, when the lights went out.
> 
>  
> 
> “What the cheese!” Lance couldn’t even pretend to hide the panicked way the pitch of his voice rose.
> 
>  
> 
> “What now.” Keith practically growled in irritation. “oh wait. Didn’t Coran say something about diverting power from non essential systems or something?”
> 
>  
> 
> Lance sputtered, “This seems pretty essential to me!”
> 
>  
> 
> Silence followed his statement and the only sound Lance could hear in the pitch darkness was Keith’s steady breathing and his own erratic heartbeat. The boy had to take a moment to send up a prayer to the saint of small mercies that Keith could not hear the latter. How hard and swift it pounded in his chest. Thankful that, at the very least, this lack of light hid the flush that had finally warmed his features. Unable to will it away any longer. Because, well…. KEITH! HIM! DARK ENCLOSED SPACE! HALF NAKED! NO ESCAPE!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's another unedited chapter for ya'll that I had to type twice because my laptop ate it the first time OTL.

Chapter 5: Eye of the Storm

 

Lack of sleep wasn’t helping Lance keep his cool like at all. Nor his secret. And he couldn’t even really blame the fleets of Galra fighters that kept appearing literally out of nowhere whenever they thought they were safe. Though being constantly on edge wasn’t helping either. For it wasn’t the intense back to back battles they’d found themselves in.

 

He knew Shiro had given them an order to rest. But sleep was just not an option. Even if he’d been able to capture the ever illusive beast with the required assistance of sleep mask and headphone, relaxing music or white noise smothering his thoughts as if they were wild fires. Only Keith had been waiting for him.

 

A Keith who was decidedly different than the waking one…. And yet very much the same. Same pale features and raven hair, same dark eyes that burned so fiercely. But unlike when Lance was awake that intense gaze was always focused solely on him, beckoning. There were dreams of the other boy fighting. Midnight locks flowing so smoothly, as if it were dark water, as he moved with such grace. Others in which he was laughing, violet eyes crinkled with mirth. Countless of Keith sweaty and topless, up against his own equally bare flesh. Rolled over and under him.

 

And yet still more with Keith cradled in Lance’s arms. Red layered over red. Armor cracked and skin too sallow, almost translucent. Held against the blue eyed boy but already gone.

 

Lance sighed and blinked his lids slowly, tired gaze traveling to his left.

 

He’d just needed to find some way to stay awake. But he’d been so unsure of what to do with himself to stave off the pure exhaustion. At least for the moment. With a pang of homesickness (which he fought down before it could overwhelm him) Lance thought longingly of the ocean. Many a sleepless night he could swim out beneath the night sky, waves rocking him into a waking peace. And often when a nightmare would launch him gasping from slumber he would head out to the sand dunes and simply watch those gentle swells until his breath and heart had calmed.

 

But thinking about what he woulda coulda done if he were on Earth hadn’t helped at all, only succeeding in pulling his mood even lower. He wasn’t on Earth w _as he_ it wasn’t like there was anything up here in this stupid failing castle shi-

 

A memory had struck Lance then. Paired swiftly with an idea that had brought a worn-out smile to his face.

 

Coran had said something about a pool somewhere in this labyrinth like overgrown shuttle right?  It had sown a hope in Lance’s heart for a small bit of familiarity. And as he stripped out of the clothes he’d been wearing for who knew how many hours straight he thought about how trying couldn’t hurt. Literally anything beat lying on his bed and staring hard at the ceiling. Both wishing for and dreading sleep (Except another Galra attack, that would suck moldy cheese)

 

Well, Lance couldn’t have been more wrong.

 

The boy hadn’t expected for the elevator door to be halted, hadn’t anticipated that the hand that had reach out and opened them once more would be attached to Keith, a very shirtless Keith.

 

Lance drew in a single long breath and held it. An involuntary reaction. He wanted to tell the red paladin to buzz off. But the words got caught uselessly, pressed up against his teeth. Fine, he’d leave instead, though he couldn’t even imagine going back to his own room. But, Lance inexplicably stopped himself from doing anything because a part of him, a part that Lance wanted to squish down into non existence and forget about entirely, a part he wished held no control over him, wanted a small slice of time where it was simply him and Keith. Just the two of them. Alone. Their only company each other… and only each other.

 

After a silence that felt too loaded and lasted ticks too long Lance’s voice finally broke free from his throat and distantly he heard himself ask _the stupidest_ question ever. _Venga!_ It was obvious what Keith was doing! The exact same thing as Lance _duh_ he was in swim trunks after all.

 

“Dios mio-” Lance muttered under his breath, voice nothing more than a shudder as Keith settled in the tight space next to him. The meaning was dualled. Layered. This was so dangerous. He could feel the other boy’s warmth. That entire side of his own body was awash with it. It was so nice and Lance never wanted it to end. Simultaneously all this was for Lance was a sweet torture. An almost there dream that he could never actually grasp. And he knew that the sooner this was over the better. It felt like he was being tested and his body was tense as he fought to keep his eyes focused straight ahead.

 

“What did you say?” Keith snapped.

 

“Lance’s grip on the ends of his towel tightened as he turned his head away unable to even dare to look at the other boy. The Cuban took in a long breath fighting back against the heat he could feel filling his cheeks.

 

“Nothing,” he managed to mutter out, instantly regretting his choice to speak at all as an annoyed sound filled the small space right before a heavy silence fell. It wouldn’t have hurt to tell Keith what he’d said. He wouldn’t have even needed to elaborate on why he’d said it!

 

Lance was much too tired for this. With each passing tick he could feel more tension filling his body. Muscles growing tight. As if there was a singularity sitting densely in his chest, a black hole, pulling everything tighter.

 

The quiet outside of him was equally as heavy. Lance wanted to say something, anything to cut through this. A witty one liner that could break apart this wall of tension between them. But the boy was just so beyond exhaustion he couldn’t even pretend to keep up his usual joking pretence. He couldn’t think of a single thing to say. Not a joke. Not an insult. (Honestly a fight would be the easiest thing to start right now, but that would just drain him even further) Nor anything else came to mind.

 

Lance couldn’t trust himself to talk.

 

Barely any time had passed and yet his anxiety was already about to overwhelm him. Mounting inside of the boy. He wouldn’t guess that it could even get worse.

 

But somehow it did.

 

Keith began to talk and Lance’s heart sank. The other’s words actually kinda hurt the boy’s feelings. (okay they really hurt him) Lance wished that he could just open up his big stupid moth and talk like a normal human being. Not crack a dumb joke or verbally attack the other. Just have an honest conversation with the red paladin.

 

But of course he couldn’t possibly manage something like that in this moment.

             

Hell what would they even talk about?

             

‘Nice weather we’re having today huh?’

             

‘How’s the whole intergalactic war thing working out for ya Keith?’

             

‘Do you even understand how sexy your big stupid face is?’

             

Yeah, those all worked so great. All of the ideas that followed next weren’t much better. In fact the commentary that played out in his head simply devolved into more things Lance found attractive about the red paladin. What he imagined doing to him. Definitely not things he wanted to say out loud.

 

It was these maddening thoughts that tormented him with what could never be, when the lights went out.

 

“What the cheese!” Lance couldn’t even pretend to hide the panicked way the pitch of his voice rose.

 

“What now.” Keith practically growled in irritation. “oh wait. Didn’t Coran say something about diverting power from non essential systems or something?”

 

Lance sputtered, “This seems pretty essential to me!”

 

Silence followed his statement and the only sound Lance could hear in the pitch darkness was Keith’s steady breathing and his own erratic heartbeat. The boy had to take a moment to send up a prayer to the saint of small mercies that Keith could not hear the latter. How hard and swift it pounded in his chest. Thankful that, at the very least, this lack of light hid the flush that had finally warmed his features. Unable to will it away any longer. Because, well…. KEITH! HIM! DARK ENCLOSED SPACE! HALF NAKED! NO ESCAPE!

 

Lance didn’t realize at first that he was holding his breath, not sure when he had even started.

 

Keith was of course already on the move.

 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Lance’s voice was tight and he hoped that Keith would simply blame exhaustion.

 

“I can’t just sit and wait around.” Was it just Lance or did Keith’s voice have a hint of a deeper rasp to it? It was difficult not to focus on it when everything around them was in gloom. How the low the cadence hung, in the air even after he’d finished speaking. How a breath was pulled in right before he began to talk again. “You’re the one who’s used to doing nothing.” He grunted and Lance simultaneously felt his heart jump up into his throat with the sound and the ground beneath his feet shake as the other boy did… something.

 

“Woah okay!” The Cuban boy’s arms flailed for a moment, coming up from where they’d been held stiff at his sides previously in an attempt to find purchase. “First of all ouch rude.” Lance tried to school his tone so that the real hurt didn’t show through to obviously. “And secondly please don’t get us killed in a space ship elevator. I don’t wanna have to hau-“ whatever else Lance might have said was lost ass sudden light hailed down on him. An arm snapped up for shade and he blinked swiftly as his eyes adjusted to the abrupt onslaught. “Maybe a little warning next time.” What Lance had meant to be a scathing snap came out as a tired crack

 

“Maybe next time stop talking.” Keith muttered, clearly too drained to let their snide banter build into a fight. Lance could see that the other boy was looking around. Slowly details came into focus as the ambience filtered around him, making a beautiful silhouette. He tried to ignore how the light created a halo around Keith. How it cast his slim form into an almost mythological cast, inky shadows sliding over his bare shoulders as if they too wished to embrace him. All of the work that Lance had put into not looking at the other was for naught as his gaze drank the dark haired boy in like a man who’d been through draught.

 

The moment was over too quickly for Lance as Keith moved away from the opening.

 

“H-hey! Don’t leave me here!” Lance scrambled over to the unhinged vent and jumped up, fingers catching the edge. Another shudder moved through the apartment. Moving faster he clambered the rest of the way, movements desperate and manner undignified. For a sudden illogical fear had gripped him; that Keith would shut the grate, leaving him behind and alone in the dark. Lance tried to banish this as he raised himself up into a sitting position, to push it away as a silly, no, stupid thought.

 

When he looked up it was at a slightly startled looking Keith.

 

“I was gonna help you up.” He stated and Lance could not read the expression on the other boy’s features. The feeling of his own stupidity doubled and true to form Lance sneered.

 

“Well I didn’t need it.” Lance berated himself for opening up his big stupid mouth. He must have looked so idiotic as he scrambled up with all the grace of a pack of yelmores (which die not sound like a graceful creature at al) “Well now what genius?” All in one tick, one breath, he felt empty, spent, and the pseudo venom was gone from his tone.

 

“Shuddup I’m trying to think.”

 

If he hadn’t been so beat Lance would have made a bit show of rolling his eyes. As it stood he simply looked around, jaw clenched tightly shut. Glad enough for a reason not to stare openly at Keith and more than a little relieved that he hadn’t been caught earlier doing just that. “That could take forever. We shoulda just waited down there. For Coran or Pidge to get everything running again, or until someone came to get us!” Lance couldn’t actually say how relieved he was to not be down in the dark ang longer. Still feeling as if the walls were closing in on him.

 

“You mean safe us.” Keith raised his brows, tone almost teasing as he shook his head. But an instant later the friendly air was gone. “So you’d want to just sit around? And what if we were still there waiting when the Galra attack again? We’d be useless and worse, a burden.” Lance flinched away from these words as if they were a physical attack for they mirrored the dark thoughts that festered deep inside of lly head of yours? Or is it just filled with air?”

 

Lance wanted to play it as cool as he could treat this whole thing like business as usual. After all it was to Keith.

 

“I take offense to that! But… I just might.” Lance stood up as he spoke, craning his neck to look up the seemingly endless shaft that stretched on above them. In this way he kept his gaze purposefully averted from the other boy as he went on, feeling his cheeks warm at the mere suggestion that he was about to make. Glad that his back was turned to Keith. The blue paladin gulped, mouth very abruptly dry, trying to fight back the blush.

 

“Well?”

 

Lance started, he’d been quiet for a few ticks too long.

 

“You can’t rush genius!” Lance snapped, heart racing. He ignored the snort he heard from behind him and licked his lips, knowing that he was just prolonging the situation. But unable to make himself spit it out.

 

“S-So-“ he finally stuttered out, “This shaft isn’t that wide right? And as long as we can work together, not that we haven’t before, but we’d have to be really, like really _really_ careful-“

 

“Lande get to it already!” He’d known he was rambling but hadn’t been able to stop until Keith’s interruption.

 

“Okay okay, if we go back to back and hook our arms-“ Lance laid his plan out, trying not to think about how it woule mean their skin…. Touching…. Him again Keith… making bare contact

 

 The blue paladin was afraid to turn and look at Keith, but curiosity warr3d with his worries and he twisted his shoulder, peaking over his shoulder, expecting to see disgust. To be called out. But the other boy’s mulberry eyes were also turned up, gaze calculating. And if, when he did turn look at Lance he noticed the light flush of coral pink dusted over the dark freckled cheeks he didn’t say anything,

 

“It’s the only idea we have-“ the red paladin conceded after a brief moment of thoughtful silence in which he was plainly trying to work out a better plan.

 

“If this works you better remember that it was my idea and not yours!” Lance was pretty proud that his tone remained even as be said this for Keith had already looped his arm through Lances, elbow’s locking into place. But not before he’d shot the blu3 ey3e boy one of his rare smiles.

 

Lance continued to babble, hoping the sound of his voice would drown out the mad pounding of his heart, not that it could hide the way it drummed within him as their backs pressed together and they began their laborious climb.

 

At least like this Keith couldn’t see how dark the flush grew, or how far it spread across his features. Eventually as the ascended the harshness of his heartbeat could be blamed on the exertion. Lance had hoped that this physical endeavor alone would be enough to distract him from the feeling of Keith’s heated flesh against his own, but it seemed to be the other way around. It was while Lance was focusing on how the muscles in Keith/s back rippled against his own sweat building up between their bodies, that his foot slipped and his mind was jarred back into the reality of the situation. If every portion of his self control wasn’t bent towards keeping up his contrary pretense with Keith and not dying he might have laughed at himself. For apparently not even the immanent threat of a gruesome death by falling down an alien castle spaceship elevator shaft was enough to keep his mind off the red paladin.

 

Maybe…just maybe when he could emerge his overheated body in cool water and feel it swiftly flow past him as he dove beneath its surface, perhaps once he was in this Altean pool he’d be able to _breath._

 

And _gracias a dios_ it looked like they were finally almost there.

 

Only of course the first exit they find is a veritable  _slide_ that sent them both careening down down down into who knows where. Maybe at a different time he’d have found this incredibly fun. By the time they landed, side by side, pain jolting through his body, he’d squeezed his eyes shut , simply wishing to wait this out. It was Keiths frustrated cursing that had Lance’s eyes snapping open and jumping to his feet. What he saw was both breathtaking and strange and for a moment he felt as if he’d stepped straight into the twilight zone (do you mean, his life?) The alarm was siphoned out of him and replaced by confusion.

 

“Solo mi suerte!” Lance threw his hands up in the air and fell back into the hard tiled floor once more. His backside aching in protest of the repeated mistreatment. Lance covered his ace with his hands, not fully sure what sort of expression he was making at that moment, only that his mask had slipped. “Welcome to my life.” He muttered as Keith grumbled something about stupid Altean pools.

 

He had hoped, foolishly perhaps, that this pool could help him. Could act as an anchor in this chaotic mess that had become his life. Could lend him a sense of normalcy. A place he could go and do something that he loved. Even at the garrison he went to the school pool at least a few times a week, swimming a few laps to blow off steam and ground himself again.

 

But no. Even this had to have a weird alien twist.

 

Lance couldn’t say how long he would have stayed in that prone position, barely holding the swiftly cracking  pieces of himself together. Or how many breathless moments passed, as the air felt as if it were squeezing out of him. All his cares about Keith being around him gone. He was beyond caring who witnessed this.

 

Lance didn’t hear the alarms blaring around them. Only aware of the physics defying water sloshing down over them. Automatically he held his breath and kicked, escaping the wave. It wasn’t until he was running hot at Keith’s heals that the Cuban boy finally registered that they were under attack again.

 

At least like this, under the pressure of war, he could hold himself together.


	6. Small Slice Of Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Also known as Lance finds a quiet place. Or the one where Lance wanders the castle whenever he can't sleep and has bonding moments with everyone (don't tell Keith)

> Chapter 6: Small Slice of Space

 

Insomnia had abandonee Lance in his time of need. When every foray into sle3p lee him down treacherous fantasies the boy could use some wakeful nights where slumber was out of his reach and his mind was otherwise occupied. As it currently stood he was simply avoiding sleep in long slumbering hours. The Hispanic boy sought out ways to keep himself up. A task that was surprisingly difficult to do in the vast and technologically advanced castle-ship.

 

At the start of his self enforced insomnolence Lance had thought it would be easy peasy to keep himself occupied in such a place as this. Surely there was plenty enough things he could find to do right?

 

Man was he tired of being wrong all the time.

 

For it seemed as though he was not the only one to suffer from sleepless nights.

 

The first team member he’d stumbled across during his late night wanderings had been Pidge. The short girl had been sitting in the dark of the landing bay. Multiple computer screens lit up around her washed her features pale and reflected off her glasses. The green paladin didn’t notice Lance at first and he took the few silent moments to study her. He thought for a split tick to step back, to not announce his own presence and just allow her the moment of peace and quiet before another day started. But before he could back away without notice he recalled Hunk’s concerned words.

 

Lance knew that he needed to bridge the gap that had grown between the two of them, but he just didn’t know how. It wasn’t as if they’d ever been particularly close while at the garrison, and not without lack of trying on his part! Pidge had always seemed to have walls put up. (or course now Lance understood her reasoning)

 

But even while grasping at all these excuses he knew how flimsy they were. Sure they’d never been best buds, but he still considered Pidge a friend. He wanted too, and needed to make sure she knew that. There had never been this… tension held between them, like a thread stretched too tightly, one false move capable of snapping apart.

 

After all, Lance attempted to talk logically with himself, if he couldn’t clear the air how would that impact their ability to form Voltron?

 

So despite his continued nervousness (he’d not been alone with Pidge since… well since the night of the Arusian party and Sendak’s attack) he’d just have to keep the topic away from that, in safer territory.

 

He could already feel sleep tugging enticingly at his lids as he stepped into her line of sight.

 

“It’s not like there’s anything better to do.” Was the sentiment he said out loud.

 

Pidge, who had been sitting cross legged with her back up against the wall, jumped, her legs coming up against her chest. The defensive posture reminded the Cuban boy exactly how young she was. An exasperated “Lance,” was huffed from her as she righted herself. It had only taken her a moment to recover and she straightened her glasses irritably. “Don’t sneak up on me!” She groused, eyeing him. “What do you mean there’s nothing better to do? You could be doing anything else besides bothering me. Like I don’t know, training?”

 

“What!” Lance struck a pose, flexing his biceps, “I’m already a perfect example of manhood,” he joked, falling down next to Pidge in a languid motion and tilting his head towards her. And even though he knew what her answer would be he still asked, “Whatcha up to nerdo?”

 

Pidge’s fingers had resumed their swift and steady work over the holographic keys, as if she’d never even missed a beat.

 

“Compiling more of the data I’ve managed to recover from out last few Galra encounters. Sooner or later we have to run into someone who knows what happened to my family! If I can perfect my own calculations and figure out where their forces are focused, narrow down those possibilities into the ships that carry prisoners then I can-“

 

Lance had been worrying his bottom lip between his teeth as he listened to his teammate, and now he raised his hands, tentatively at first, to cover Pidges’s much smaller and much colder digits. He braced himself for her to lash out at him as he stilled her typing. The silence between them grew heavy.

 

Lance had never been one to choose his words carefully and he didn’t start now, hoping his natural charisma would carry him through as it always did.

 

“You keep saying ‘I’ but we’re a team now Pidge.” His tone was gentle. “None of us is nearly as good at all this alien tech as you are, but you don’t have to do this alone.” Lance paused, not sure if he should keep talking and as the quiet stretched out he began to scramble after something else he could say. Thoughts growing hectic as he started to doubt himself. Perhaps he shouldn’t have said anything at all. Or maybe chosen a lighter topic? He could have  joked around to distract her.

 

His hesitation swiftly turned to alarm as he heard a sniffle come from Pidge. His own body stiffened, guilt twisting in his gut. Of course he’d made he cry. When no other sound issued from the petite girl Lance flicked his gaze down towards her.

 

She’d lifted her round frames and was rubbing at her eyes. Without the reflective glasses Lance could see how dark the bags beneath her eyes were. The Latino boy let out a slow breath. He was no stranger to dealing with tears (he just hadn’t expected it from their youngest teammate, though honestly should have. No one should be expected to hold up all the time, especially in this situation. Especially at her age)

 

If this were one of his little siblings Lance would have put an arm around their shoulder. But she wasn’t and Lance was unsure if such a gesture would even be appreciated, or if it would earn him a swift punch.

 

So he simply scooted closer to the green paladin, leaning down and catching her gaze with his own. “You know it’s okay to cry.”

 

The girl looked affronted. “I’m a paladin. And I’m not a kid Lance.”

 

The Cuban boy nodded sagely. “Ah yes and adults never cry.” He bumped her shoulder lightly with his tease. “But seriously sometimes a good cry can do wonders.”

 

Pidge rolled her eyes. But her fingers continued to rest from their intense dance. “Crying doesn’t _do_ anything.” She muttered. “You’re wrong Lance. I _can’t_ ask for help.”

 

“No. Everyone else has too much on their plates. Except maybe you. But we’re in a war. My family is my responsibility and I’ll find them on my own time. Without bringing the rest of the team down.”

 

Lance had grown cold, not because of the slight against him (despite its truth it had still hurt) but because he had suddenly thought of Clara, or David or any one of his siblings or cousins, doing what Pidge was. After all he was lost in space… he wondered if they now believed him … _dead_ …

 

The thought had been like falling into an ocean of ice. Made worse by the thought that they wouldn’t believe him gone and would try to pull something like what Pidge had.

 

Lance would do _anything_ to protect them from this war.

 

“You know Lance you’re actually a pretty good listener. Talking about Matt really helped ya know?” She gave the taller boy a hearty slap in the back that almost sent him sprawling forward. He blinked the image of little Mia facing a Galran soldier away. Sudden guilt reared up as he realized that he’d not caught a single thing she’d said in the last few dobashes. But even as he opened his mouth to come clean she waved him away with some parting words. “Seriously thank you. But you better be careful wandering the halls this late. If Coran or Shiro catch you they’ll send ya off to bed. Why d’ya think I’m hiding in here!” She threw her hands up in the air. “It’s not like we’re kids! We don’t have a bedtime!” She continued mumbling and shaking her head, already getting back to work, but not before shooting Lance a genuine smile.

 

The one Lance returned was weak in comparison.

 

***

 

A number of nights passed before Lance came across anyone else again. He’d almost started to believe that he had the castle to himself during these odd hours.

 

At first the tall Cuban boy didn’t even notice the distant sound of metal clashing against metal echoing down the halls. He walked with his shoulders slumped drowsily as if a great weight lay across them and grew heavier with every step. His hands were thrust deep into his pockets, gray hood thrown up and over his head.

 

Of course it would be Keith’s voice, throwing out an explosive curse, that jarred Lance from his wandering thoughts. His feet stumbled to a halt. Traitorous heart already beating out a wanting rhythm in his chest as he looked around, confusion rising. Was he so tired and love sick that he was hearing things now?

 

Gracias a dios his answer came that no, he was not going crazy. It took Lance a moment before he recognized what part of the castle he was in. The training room was right around the corner. Lance could have easily walked right past it undetected. Or he could simply turn right back around and no one would be the wiser.

 

Lance of course did neither of these things because apparently he hated himself. Without taking even a moment to think Lance slipped through the door and headed up the small flight of steps to the control center. Showing the first iota of caution he slowly approached the window, peering through the glass with breath held. Keith was disposing of what seemed to be the last few drones with a flourish of his sword. It was a blur of red and white and Lance couldn’t even follow. Lance did see how the other boy’s shoulders were rising and falling and could practically hear the ragged breathing. Lance wondered how long the red paladin had been going for (geez did this guy ever stop training?) Lance wished that he could be as dedicated to training as the other though, he knew he could use it.  Keith lifted up his arm to swipe the sweat from his dripping bangs and turned. The olive skinned boy ducked down swiftly, knees bent up to his chest and cheeks heating up.

 

“Start level 7!” The yelled command could be heard over the sound of Lance’s heart but just barely. He felt more than heard the whirr of machinery as it came to life, a veritable vibration in the air.  The blue eyed boy wasn’t sure how long he sat there in his crouch, waiting for his pulse to calm it’s  mad pattern. But it was apparent that Keith had not spotted him. Still he wanted to be careful. Finally Lance took a chance and peeked over the control panel.

 

The other boy was already mid fight, body moving like a leaping flame as he dodged shots fired at him from the small round droids and falling blades of not one but two gladiators. Lance didn’t stand up, simply rested his chin in the palm of his hand. His normally royal blue eyes lightened, reflecting a clear summer’s day instead of the ocean depths as they looked on, following Keith’s movements, limbs arching and bowing, ascending and twisting as if in a dance. Recording that lithe body so that when he closed his eyes the form was outlined in vivid detail in the dark behind his lids. Without meaning too Lance was creating an archive of stolen moments.

 

It wouldn’t be until much later, long after Keith turned all to gloom within the training room and left physically exhausted, that Lance would stir. Skin crawling with the sudden understanding of just how creepy, how wrong what he’d just done was.

 

The rest of that night had been spent in the communal bathroom, beneath an unforgiving spray of steaming water, trying to scrub himself clean.

 

***

 

From then on Lance tried not to lose himself in his thoughts. They were no longer safe. He avoided the floor that the training room was on entirely. Flush of shame still rising to his cheeks each time he remembered that particular night. _Should haves_ running through his mind as if to add onto this feeling. He _shoulda_ announced himself. He _shoulda_ just offered to train alongside the red paladin. He _shoulda_ just walked away.

 

He also _tried_ to be more aware of his surroundings. Of course he wasn’t that good at being vigilant.

 

Which is why Coran managed to startle a harrowing screech from Lance that he was unable to muffle very early one morning as he walked on silent feet around the corner dead ahead of him. The older Altean blinked at Lance, who’d slapped a hand over his mouth much too late for the gesture to do anything. Navy blue eyes had blown wide.

 

“What are you doing up at this hour my boy? You should be resting! A paladin’s work is never over!”

 

After Lance took a few deep gasping breaths and his stuttered heart pace returned to a more even tempo he managed to speak, levelling an unimpressed glare.

 

“How did you sneak up on me!” The man had made not a single sound as he came up on Lance. “We need to get you a bell!”

 

Coran rubbed his chin in thought, “I’m not sure what a bell would do for me?”

 

Lance huffed, head falling forward in exasperation. “Never mind.” The boy had already turned but a hand came out and grasped at his jacket sleeve.

 

“Oh, where do you think you’re going?” a bright orange eyebrow was raised. “It’s straight to bed. Unless of course you’d like to help me dust off the sconces in the hallways. I could always use the assistance!” His eyes twinkled as Lance yawned.

 

The blue paladin still groaned after his jaw cracking yawn. “What are you even doing cleaning at this hour?”

 

“Oh I wish. The castle really could do with a decent scrub down. But no, I’m really heading for the holodeck interface. Pidge pointed out some rather glaring glitches that should be seen too. And there’s a number of other bugs that…”

 

Lance’s brows slowly rose in tandem as Coran continued to talk techno babble at him. Most of the lingo flew right over his head. But he did at least understand how much work the Altean was doing. “Don’t you ever sleep?”

 

“Of course I do! Don’t you?” His retort and knowing stare told Lance that Coran knew, at lest in part, about his sleepless vigil. The silence stretched out between them as they walked. The boy clearly being led back to his room. He knew Coran had more important things to be doing. “You know Lance-“ the mustache ruffled as the older man cleared his throat, coming up on the Hispanic’s door, “if you ever need to talk about anything I’m here.”

 

Lance couldn’t quite meet the  other’s gaze as he thanked him.

 

Coran nodded, hands going behind his back, he leaned forward, opened his mouth, and shut it again, before murmuring a good night and turned around. Again though he hesitated. “If you are having difficulties sleeping there are a number of droughts that could be mixed together to assist you. If you ever need that just let me know.”

 

Before he could get too far down the hall Lance called after him in an exaggerated whisper, “you’re doing a great job Coran.” The other paused, turning slightly. “With the castle I mean. We couldn’t stay up and running without you.” The brief inclination of Coran’s vivid orange head was the only indication that he’d heard Lance, who bit his lip and stepped fully into his room. The boy leaned against his door, practically seeing the Altean settle himself at the end of the hallway and turning his gaze on Lance’s room. A sentry against more wanderings, at least for tonight. The blue paladin didn’t test his theory out, not wanting to be proved right. That he needed a… a… babysitter.

 

Lance didn’t allow himself to idle for very long, lest he fall asleep right there. Methodically he began his normal bedtime routine, because at least it was movement.

 

***

 

For once Lance had fallen into the calm embrace of a dreamless sleep, exhaustion having finally taken it’s toll. The boy could have happily remained in this void forever.

 

For once it was not his own nightmares that jarred him awake from the deep slumber but the sound of a heart wrenching sob. Steel blue eyes shot open their normally fathomless eyes swirling with exhaustion. He blinked up at the ceiling in confusion. Had he just imagined that noise? Conjured it in a dream?

 

No. there it was, sounding from farther away, past his door and down the hall. Concern gripped the boy’s heart and before he could think (or lament that he’d been woken from the first bit of good slumber he’d gotten in he didn’t even know how long) he had sprang up from the bed, tearing the sleeping mask off and smearing the facial in his haste.

 

He was around the first corner from his room before he’d realized he’d even moved, and in a moment of self awareness he wiped his pajama sleeve across his face, clearing it of the remainder of the green substance, though his eyes stayed focused ahead. He was already out of bed after all, no turning back now.

Lance took a turn that he wasn’t used to taking and it took him a moment longer to realize why. This was the hallway down which Coran and Allura’s rooms were. And when he’d not been able to identify the voice before, having just been jolted awake with only the understanding that someone was distressed filling him,  he knew now. Lance slowed as he came to a door to the room he only knew as where Allura’s father’s memories had been held.

 

Of course that was where these heart breaking cries were coming from. The blue paladin had come to a full halt, fingers hesitating over the control panel.

 

What could he even say to the princess? Lance couldn’t begin to imagine her agony. Anything he had ever experienced was eclipsed by what the Alteans had lived through, what they both continued to shoulder. The Cuban boy had never even considered the toll it was taking on them, on her, and he felt something inside of him breaking for her. Not his heart, it was somehow deeper than that.

 

It was impudent of him to think that he, Lance, could walk through that door, intrude on her private time, gather her in his arms so that she knew she was not alone and tell her that it was okay to cry.

 

Lance was a nobody. His hand fell back to his side, fingers curled into a fist.

 

On the other side of the door the sobs had begun to die down. The boy barely had any time to fall back and dodge around the next corner as the door softly swished open. The brief glimpse Lance caught of the princess did not reveal any redness around her eyes nor a single trace of any tear tracks.

 

Lance wished that he was half as strong as her.

 

***

 

Lance always knew he was sometimes thickheaded. It was a trait he’d been told he had time and time again. He supposed it was true since he’d not yet learned his lesson.

 

Following his almost run in with Allura Lance had tried to confine himself to his room after lights out. Spending extra time each morning and night on his beauty regiment. Threading his eyebrows into the perfect arch right after his shower before applying the tonics to his hair and the creams to his skin.

 

But no matter what he did to prepare for it each time sleep claimed him nightmares sprang to life. Being reminded of all the things Allura had lost had dredged all the things the Cuban boy missed up to the forefront of his mind. Though he knew the two pains weren’t remotely comparable.

 

So despite his better judgement Lance found his slippered feet stepping over the threshold of his room. Shooting a quick glance down the hallway to make sure that no one was around.

 

Tonight he turned his steps toward the landing bay, where the lion’s were currently housed. They’d been damaged in a battle earlier that week and Pidge and Hunk had been working on repairs for them. On this evening Lance didn’t really feel like being on his own and he thought that he could use some of blue’s calming vibes. Lance truly did enjoy wandering this deep into the castle, down in these lower floors. The quiet here had always felt more profound. Somehow sounds did not echo as they did basically everywhere else. As he walked he unknowingly hummed an old lullaby. One that had not been sung to him since he was a small child, whos Spanish words were almost completely lost to his memory. The haunting melody had weaved through out his dreams, as if to say ‘nunca se puede tener esto de nuevo…’ this longing nostalgia and encompassing sorrow all swam beneath the surface of Lance’s conscious like a riptide.

 

The blue paladin was almost too his lion, situated in the middle between green and red, passing by the black lion, who’s massive form cast everything else in shadow.

 

Lance wasn’t sure what happened first. If it was the awareness that he was humming, of the sight of something ahead of him, hunkered down and darker than the rest of the shades around him. His voice choked to a halt. In the sudden silence around him Lance was able to make out the desperate sound of quickened rasping breath. Fear struck through him and Lance stepped forward, eyes straining in the gloom.

 

A white shock of hair was followed by the outline o a strong jaw, scarred features washed pale and glistening sickly with sweat. Gray eyes were shot wide in clear panic, flickering back and forth sporadically, seeing things that weren’t there. Shiro was cowering back against the wall, not seeing Lance, or anything else before him.

 

A new sense of alarm filled the boy as understanding dawned on him. He might have been able to handle it if the man was injured, but Lance had absolutely no idea how to break Shiro out of a flashback. Was it even possible to do that? Or was he supposed too? Was it like sleepwalking? Lance wracked his brain for anything helpful, feeling more than useless. Unable to comfort their leader when he was in such a vulnerable position.

 

The tune of his lullaby was coming faster, nervous habit of making noise rearing now.

 

Shiro flinched away from him violently, and the boy recoiled. Hands that had been reaching out, hovering in hesitation, wanting so badly to assist the other but not knowing how, were snatched back. Already he’d made it worse.

 

“L-lance?” Shiro’s usually strong voice was small and the blue eyed boy felt himself take a step backwards.

 

“Sorry Shiro! I- sorry!” He managed to choke out, he spun, feet ready to carry him back to his room to hide from this cowardice.

 

But a too strong grip circled his wrist, halting his retreat.  “W-what were you…. What was that song?” Shiro’s voice was hoarse and he seemed to be struggling through every word.

 

Lance couldn’t quite meet the man’s gaze, but he didn’t pull away. “An old lullaby my abuela used to sing to me.” It was strange to be talking about this sort of thing with his idol. It grew stranger still as Shiro pulled the other back to sit next to him. He folded himself awkwardly, with knees bent up to his chest.

 

“D-don’t let me stop you.” And there was the black paladin, trying to force normalcy into his tone.  
  
Lance swallowed and nodded, pulling his sore wrist up against his robe as soon as it was released. He began humming again, acutely aware of how closely Shiro seemed to be listening. The blue paladin could hear the male’s breathing even out. But he kept his own eyes focused straight ahead. Nerves made the notes shake.  
  
Eventually Shiro spoke once more, and Lance was more relieved than he cared to admit.

 

“Thank you Lance. That… that really helped.”

 

The warmth that filled the boy suddenly didn’t quite reach his cheeks as he finally looked over to the man, who was leveling a very tired smile his way. Shiro grunted as he stood and offered Lance a hand. The boy hid his wince when he tried to move his wrist. “What are you doing out of bed anyway?”

 

“Ah-“ Lance scrambled after a believable excuse, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, sorry sort of smile quirking his lips upwards. “Ya know, just trying to make time to bond with blue. You said we all needed to.”

 

If Lance didn’t know any better he would have never guessed what had been happening moments before in the man’s mind for a small disapproving frown creased his forehead.

 

“I’m glad to see you finally taking initiative Lance, but you need to get some sleep. Maybe I’ll set aside some of our training time for you and blue, and the other paladins. Now come on.”

 

“Only if you head to bed too.” Lance shot back, instantly feeling bad for his words, a rueful smile flitted over his features before the stern leaderlike expression was back in place.

 

“Fair.” Thank goodness Shiro didn’t look like he was going to escort Lance all the way back to  his room as Coran had. Not that he need fear falling asleep that night. Only he knew the next time he did the nightmares that would plague him would not be his own.

 

***

 

It was too much for Lance to handle. All of it. During the days he could hardly keep up in training and battle alike. Maintaining his playful teasing façade despite his constant exhaustion was taking a toll. There didn’t seem to be anyone, or anywhere he could really turn too. He could barely meet Keith’s gaze before. And now Allura and Shiro had been added onto that list. He opted to pretend that he’d not stumbled upon he latter two during his midnight jaunts (one of the only things keeping him leveled out. And without them Lance was going stir crazy) Thankfully Shiro had also not brought up their run in with anyone else, including Lance himself.

 

It was just getting too risky. He couldn’t bear to catch Allura or Shiro in another compromising moment. Couldn’t stand to bother Pidge or Coran again. They all had important things that they were doing.

 

And Lance? Well… he just… didn’t.

 

After showering for a varga or two (the water on the castleship never got cold! Something Lance took advantage of always) and doing basically every skin, body and hair care trick in the book, he laid down in his bed. Both wishing and not wanting to sleep. Still though, he slipped the headphones on and situated the mask over his eyes, shifting until he was comfortable.

 

Time was creeping by. Lance sure that there was probably some sort of Altean equivalent to a slug that had a ridiculous name. While Lance knew that the entire night had not yet gone by it sure felt like it had. He knew that if he checked only aa few dobashes would have passed. And that was why he knew he shouldn’t check right? Not even a peak. Right.

 

With a groan the boy went to  move, unable to keep himself still for a tick longer.

 

Only as he shifted Lance found his hands, which he’d thrown up over his head, would not come down.

 

There was a moment, a brief few seconds that passed by where pure and simple confusion was the only thing within his thoughts. It was a blissful moment, the calm before the storm.

 

He tried again, arms straining against something around his wrists. Unable to move or see panic began to flood him.

 

“Hey hey calm down~” he heard a light, musical voice and as she spoke the boy stilled with breath held. There was no way.

 

Nyma couldn’t be in the castle, the last time he’d seen her had been-

 

Lance felt the silken fabric of the sleeping mask slide up his forehead, until it was off completely. He blinked rapidly to clear his vision and found himself looking up, not onto the darkened ceiling of his own bed alcove, but into the vastness of space through a dark pink hue lent by the moon’s atmosphere.

 

And much closer to him, much _too_ close, were large lavender eyes. Lance tensed, not able to force his body too relax even as he recognized the female alien who now straddled his hips.

 

“Nyma how did I get here?” he asked, trying to keep his voice under control and even put a commanding note into the question. All of it for naught, for a breathless moan punctuated he end of his sentence as the girl ground her hips downwards.

 

This- this had to be a dream Lance realized as his arms yanked against the restraints. But they didn’t budge even an inch from the trunk. He wasn’t even sure what he would do if his movements were free, push her off or hold her in place.

 

Honestly, as far as dreams went this… wasn’t so bad actually. At least compared to the ones he’d been having as of late. Lance shuddered, heart pounding so hard that it drowned out the other heady noises that were escaping him as the girl’s large hands worked their way down his torso, divulging him of his armor. His own hips had begun to rut upwards. Heat boiling through him, his body reacting slowly as he was bared. Nyma’s hot breath tickled across skin that began to shimmer in the light with a sheen of sweat.

 

This was not who he wanted touching him.

 

Guilt swirled low in his gut, mixing within the coils of passion. He _shouldn’t_ want to be touched by Keith though, and thankfully even when his eyes fell closed as large soft fingers danced ever lower over each new inch of flesh that was exposed, he could not pretend that it was the red paladin. The sensations of her hands were far too different than what his would feel like. Something he was thankful for as he fell quite happily into the carnal pleasure.

 

As if summoned Lance heard a voice that was both an invitation into bliss and a condemnation into hell.

 

“Okay, okay Lance. The others got on me for leaving you stranded out here-“ Lance balked, limbs twitching, legs scrambling to get under him. Regardless of his sudden embarrassed desperation and very immediate need to be clothed ( and despite his knowledge that this was indeed a dream, an understanding that fled him at this moment) he remained unable to move. All he really accomplished in his useless scrambling was to force the tip of his now freed member against Nyma’s lips, which parted, allowing him entrance to her warm mouth.

 

A disgruntled moan broke out of Lance  and he clamped down on his bottom lip, successfully cutting off the mortifying sound as Keith stepped into view.

 

“Though you  definitely deserve it.” He came to a stop and crossed his arms, looking down at the blue eyed boy with a brow raised. The other was acting exactly as he had on that day, righteous indignation and all. “Well Lance? What do you have to say for yourself?” As Keith asked this Nyma bobbed her head downwards, swallowing in tandem with her lips stretching fully across the base of Lance’s shaft.

 

So instead of how the blue paladin _had_ answered all that time ago; with an indignant ‘oh come on!’ a barely contained whimper worked past his bitten lip.

 

Keith continued on and Lance had to close his eyes as the other spoke. Each word a perfect replica of what had been said before. While Lance continued to struggle against his bonds, wrists beginning to ache where the cuffs kept him immobile. Lance was only just able to keep his voice restrained as Nyma worked.

 

But when the alien pulled her mouth away , moving up in one fluid motion to lower herself fully over Lance’s hardness, he could do nothing to keep his moans back. Of course it was in that moment that Keith deviated from the script of his own memory.

 

“Are you okay?” Lance couldn’t help but flicker his cobalt gaze, light azure dancing in their depths as his physical desires were stroked, over to the red paladin. As soon as they locked eyes he could not, for the life of him, avert them.

 

The rest of their surroundings, the lake the trees, the very moon itself, literally fell away. Everything in his periphery gone in a single heartbeat. No more ground, no more stars. Just the two of them. Lance could still feel the wet tightness sliding up and down his cock, feel Nyma’s hands braced upon his stomach. He wondered if he turned to look if he would see her working her body above him.

 

He’d never know because there was only Keith.

 

It was the sensation of those amethyst eyes upon him, truly seeing him, widening in surprise, that drove Lance further, teetering over the edge.

 

There were hands upon his cheeks, trying to turn his face upwards. Pleasure coiled ever tighter and Lance didn’t want to look away, but as his neck was forced to pivot into a kiss, his eyes straining to keep the other boy in his sights, Keith faded away, as if Lance’s eyes alone had anchored him in the dream.

 

The anger that flared up so hot, battling against his oncoming climax, subsided almost instantly. For it was not Nyma who smiled coyly down at him, fingers carding through the short locks of hair above his forehead before running along the side of his face, following the line of his jaw and tilting his chin up. But Keith. Violet eyes dancing as Lance felt warm breath ghost across his lips-

 

He woke with a strangled moan, arms dashing down to wrap around a body that was not really there, manhood straining as his momentum was stolen away from what might have been the best orgasm of his life. Leaving him gasping in pain.

 

Lance pulled the pillow over his head, screaming his frustration into the softness.

 

Afterwards he regulated his breathing. Trying to will this boner away with unsexy thoughts. Chagrin and shame rolling through him in equal amounts. Sluggishly Lance rolled out of the bed. The mask smeared as he rubbed at his eyes. Mechanically the boy went through his morning routine even though he knew it was much too early for anyone else to be awake. (or so he hoped) His manner was meticulous as he padded down to the bathroom and rinsed his face. Checked his eyebrows once more though he knew he’d don so last night.

 

Even after all of that Lance was still (understandably) pent up. He worried his lip, peeking around the bathroom door and spotting no one, he began to walk. He kept his ears and eyes strained for any sign of anyone. Trying to stay focused on his vigilance this time around. But eventually his mind began to wander as it always did. He _had to_ find a solution to this. He couldn’t just keep… _avoiding_ everything. Sleep, his team, _Keith._

 

His performances had began to slip. Both in combat, with more and more mistakes landing on his shoulders, and the joking façade. He didn’t want to bring everyone down with his problems. They were such small and trivial things compared to what they faced in this war. He had to figure this out on his own, it had already gotten out of hand.

 

Back at home, while he did not usually have problems with romance (heck he was usually making fun of the people who struggle like this) he had downtime to himself that wasn’t just for sleep. His own place to do his own thing without worrying about…well…anything or anybody else.

 

Perhaps Lance was finally getting better at something. For he heard a  soft yet easily recognizable voice singing softly in Altean up ahead and was just barely able to dodge in through another hallway and dash up some stairs just as Coran’s shadow, followed by the man, passed by.

 

The Cuban boy held his breath for a few dobashes, until even the echo of the advisor’s voice had died, before keeping on upwards. It wasn’t so much that he was curious about this new pathway he’d found. He was much too exhausted for that. As long as it was away from the mustached man it was a good direction in his eyes. It was all that mattered.

 

Only a short hallway was at the top and as Lance passed beneath the archway at the end he almost cursed out loud.

 

He ran a hand up over his face and back through his hair, scarcely keeping his voice down as he spoke into the emptiness around him.

 

“Of course I find the pool now, without the death elevator and…” Lance gulped, forcing the name “Keith,” out past a sudden lump in his throat. “Wish it had been this easy to get here the first time.” He watched the strange gravity defying water as the waves were moved by the castle ships course, growing dizzy with it.

 

Lance dragged his eyes downward, simultaneously pushing away the longing to feel the rocking of those crests beneath him, soothing. He headed for a door on the opposite side of the room that he’d just spotted now that he wasn’t lost in the hypnotizing surging movements of the Altean pool above him. He didn’t recognize it from his time here before. His interest peaked suddenly.

 

A portion of the castle he had yet to explore on his late nights? Yes pleased

 

There didn’t seem to be any light sconces on this side or the door and as it wooshed closed behind him he reached out in the gloom, seeking a switch of some sort. Though his eyes swiftly adjusted it took him a moment to understand why.

 

On the far wall was a long curved alcove; a window opening out into the vastness of space without the lights found on the bridge the stars streaked by so swiftly they blurred into a breathtaking kaleidoscope. Lance sat down on the ledge without even realizing that he’d stepped across the room. Taking a few ticks to just…. Breathe. Enjoying the vast beauty of space.

 

He’d finally found a quiet space for himself.

 

Eventually Lance blinked slowly and looked around, having lost himself for a moment, thoughts finally quieted. Able now to take in more of the room. It was more of the small side, and nothing else cluttered the space. It felt bigger though because of the window. With a little bit of TLC, some pillows and blankets it’d be a really comfortable place!   
  
But the biggest reason this room had already lulled him was the sounds. The music of the waves from the pool were reminiscent of the ocean. And if he closed his eyes he could just pretend, at least for a little while, that he was home.

 

Lance stayed like that for at least a full varga, with his les folded under him and back against the window, head tilted until it rested against the cool glass and lids closed. When he finally moved his limbs were stiff. Deep sapphire eyes blinked  open slowly and though he still hadn’t slept he felt somehow better.

 

As he left Lance knew his nightly roaming was at an end. He could just come here.

 

It must have been morning for as he exited the stairs and turned the corner to head back to his room he almost ran smack dab into Hunk.

 

“Oh! Have you already had breakfast?” The surprise was clear in his friend’s voice and Lance couldn’t even fault him. Even on the nights when he slept well Lance was not known to be an early riser. He shook his head.

 

“Okay good because I was hoping you’d try one of my new recipes- but you weren’t in your room so-“ Hunk paused and gave the shorter paladin a once over, dark honeyed eyes filling with concern. He opened his mouth , then hut it, an opened it again. His hesitation would have been obvious to everyone, save a sleep deprived Lance. “Hey man are…are you doing okay?”

 

The guilt that stabbed through Lance was icy and enough to wake him up. He slipped the smiling mask across his features (a task usually easier to pull off for him) the customary retort already upon his tongue. But he too paused. There was a moment , and within that moment Lance felt the press of everything within him that had not been said. He could tell _Hunk_ his best friend. Right? Unload all of these feelings? This doubt?

 

Lance leaned forward physically  as he teetered on this edge of indecision. But words were already tumbling out of his mouth as if sensing his own cowardice. All of the excuses that held him up, kept him stitched together, now tightened around him like a noose. “Ah Hunk you do care-“ His tone didn’t sound forced at all as he spoke, and that in itself was amazing. “How are you doing big guy?”

 

“Oh you know, same old same old.  Just woke up on an ancient castle ship, bout to get ready for my day, which will probably consist of flying a giant yellow robot cat. Normal people stuff.” The two of them fell into their usual banter as they also fell into step. And Hunk quickly turned the conversation to his all time favorite topic (besides quantum mechanics) food.

 

“And what new experiment are you having me taste test today?”

 

“You know I’m not entirely sure, but I’m hoping  it turns out like kalua. Like how my mom makes ya know? Man what I wouldn’t give to have some of her home cooking…”

 

The big genius grew quiet and Lance felt the silence as a weight in his heart.

 

“It’ll be okay… we’ll see them all again.” Lance hoped his words were not a lie.


	7. The Ark of Taujeer

Chapter 7: The Ark of Taujeer

 

Lance couldn’t believe that he missed the back too back battles. At least when he was so beyond exhausted and every brain cell was bent towards survival there was no room to think about anything else.

 

He wasn’t trying to avoid sleep any longer, though more nights than not insomnia would still visit him. Even when sleep was able to claim him the myriad of dreams kept rest at bay. A veritable mosaic of nightmares that pulled at every fear, every emotion , and stitched them together in a grotesquery that he simply could not escape save for those times that he allowed himself to retreat to that quiet secret place where he could pretend for a moment at least that everything was normal and that the waves of veradera beach were right on the other side of his lids.

 

Tonight was not one he wanted to dare a trip there, lest he stumble upon a team member. Everyone had been filled with restless energy after Pidge had scienced together her galra finder

 

Taking the fight to their enemy was a bold step. The last time they’d tried that they’d barely survived.

 

So now there was nothing to distract Lance’s thoughts as he prepared for bed. Wondering what horrors his subconscious would visit upon him if he managed to catch the illusive beast of slumber.

 

Lance balked. Dang his humors were turning _dark_. For a thought had crossed his mind, and with it a bitter smile had done the same over his features. Even if his dreams tried to twist into depictions of war, it wouldn’t be any different than his waking life.

 

And with that wonderful rumination at the forefront of his head Lance slipped the satin sleeping mask over his eyes. In the midst of his tossing and turning he fell into a restless sleep.

 

***

 

It was pitch black. Lance knew there should be light thought, right? He gasped and flailed, arms reaching out in desperation. When they connected with something that grabbed back the boy startled backwards, retreating until his shoulder blades bumped hard into a wall. Eyes held wide, trying to catch some glimmer of who, or what, had hold of him.

 

The answer came quicker than expected.

 

“Ow! What the hell Lance?”

 

“K-keith?” he couldn’t even feel embarrassed by the high pitched tone his voice had adopted. Relief and confusion pushed everything else out of him. Thankfully his heartbeat had slowed and was no longer trying to jump out of his chest.

 

“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of the dark-“ The other boy’s inflection was mocking. In any other situation Lance might have risen to this bait but he was still too lost to process much of anything.

 

“Where are we?”

 

As Keith spoke Lance could practically _see_ the look of incredulity upon Keith’s features, if the note of it in his words were anything to go off of. “In the elevator, remember? Did you hit your head or something? Coran and Pidge must be trying something with the teledove-“

 

It was good that currently Keith could also not make out Lance’s expression through the gathered gloom or the red paladin might have thought something had really gone wrong.

 

“But this isn’t how that happened…” a sharp inhale cut off the rest of his words as, quite out of the blue he felt Keith push up against him. Their bare chests flush. Lance barely had enough time to gasp out a startled “wha-“ before something was slipping up over his head – a towel – and he was being pulled down. Keith’s lips met his own and everything else in his mind went stark white. All questions flew from his grasp. The words that had been resting upon his tongue forgotten as Keith’s delved into his mouth.

 

In the dark there was nothing but sensation, every brush of skin against skin, yank or comb of hair, tug and stroke. All exactly as Lance had imagined it would be (despite himself) but later when he tried to recollect this fantasy it all blurred into this vague building up as he and Keith twined their bodies together. Climax a rushing heady thing with no control or dignity. The purple hues of the other boy’s eyes swirled with an emotion that stole Lance’s voice from him as he leaned so heavily against, keeping whatever he might have said locked away.

 

Afterwards Lance’s legs gave out and he slid down the wall, Keith following after him. The blue eyes boy wanted to simply stay like this forever, with the other’s weight resting over him. When Keith moved a soft whine escaped Lance, arms tightening their hold. Breath from a low laugh tickled against his ear as the other boy leaned over him. A tongue like a lick of flame ran across the rim of his ear followed closely by the cool bite of teeth. Voice low and husky as he spoke.

 

“This might not be what happened. But it’s what you wished had.”

 

***

 

Lance’s eyes snapped open, ragged breathing grated in the otherwise quiet room. Sleeping mask lay askew across his face and he could feel how the green cream he’d applied before bed was smeared. He was sprawled out on his stomach, which wasn’t how he normally slept (too used to being careful with his overnight facials) with one leg dangling over the edge of the bed.

 

His breath hitched as he shifted, mortification filling him like heavy stones. Enough to pull him under and keep him down. For beneath him was a warm dampness. As he sat up his fear was confirmed when he peaked beneath the covers. Thick semen stuck the rich altean robes to his thighs and groin, darkening both fabrics.

 

Head dropped down into his hands in shame, which had set a feverish flush to his cheeks.

 

Lance couldn’t trust himself to sleep again tonight. Not if more dreams like this awaited him. He almost preferred the war-like nightmares. Nor could he really lay back down in this mess that he’d made. Taking a clean corner of his blanket Lance wiped his face and hands clean. He’d never been this thankful that each paladin was responsible for their own laundry. (in fact it was something he’d often complain about… loudly)

 

And he’d have to wash himself. Like, a super thorough scrub down. (not that he’d feel clean even after that he knew)

 

With a scowl on his face Lance peeled the pajamas off and begrudgingly slipped into his own still dirty clothes. The sudden need for a different outfit overwhelming him with homesickness for a tick.  But he couldn’t even allow himself to wallow. Not if he wanted to get to the washroom with is weird altean machinery before anyone else woke up. Lance knew he couldn’t stomach bumping into anyone with this particular armful.

 

  For a moment Lance had really thought that luck was actually on his side.

 

It wasn’t until he was on his way to the showers. Laundry safely deposited and started, that he saw someone.

 

Of course it had to be Keith who came storming out of his room. Lance had frozen in panic as a fresh wave of guilt washed over him sickeningly. But he needn’t have bothered worrying about the other boy spotting him. He seemed to be in his own world as he strode swiftly down the hall. The brief glimpse of Keith’s face that he’d gotten in the low light had shown the skin washed pale even more so than usual and bags beneath normally bright eyes, now dulled. Once more the blue paladin was reminded that he was not the only one that struggled with sleep.

 

Lance could curse himself for his curiosity was peaked though it shouldn’t be. Hadn’t he learned his lesson yet? And anyway Keith was probably just heading to the training deck. He’d been in full armor after all…with a bag slung over his shoulder.

 

A sudden chill dripped down lance’s spine as Keith’s words from earlier that night all at once returned to the boy.

 

‘ _It’s not you princess Allura. It’s me.’_ Lance could recall so clearly the sureness in the red paladin’s voice . could read in the glint of the boy’s plum hued eyes that despite everyone’s reassurances (and the fact that it made absolutely _no sense_ that Zarkon could be tracking them through Keith) the boy hadn’t believed them.

 

The same surety that had obviously filled the other boy before now settled over Lance.

 

Keith was leaving them.

 

Lance’s mind couldn’t move past that singular thought and he stood paralyzed by the fear that had suddenly washed through him. Thoughts refusing to imagine a world without Keith next to him.

 

It took a few ticks but logic began to wrestle with the dread that had overtaken his limbs… the fiery boy wouldn’t be planning on leaving forever. No. Just until he knew Zarkon wasn’t tracking him. Once that one point had been made he’d come straight back (wouldn’t he?) They’d just have to wait for the next attack right? (Oh god what if he didn’t come back)

 

And of course Zarkon wasn’t using Keith to track them, Lance knew that. So the red paladin wouldn’t even be gone for very long. (so much could happen to the other boy out in the vastness of space. While he was all alone. Even without a 10,000 year old evil tyrant.)

 

The fact that they’d be unable to form Voltron hadn’t even crossed Lance’s mind for his heart balked against the rationalization his mind was trying in vain to create.

 

One driving certainty propelled Lance after Keith.

 

He had to stop him.

 

Long legs carried him swiftly and he’d just made it to the pod bay, short of breath. His eyes cast about to find the other. Praying to every saint and angel that he could think of that he wasn’t too late.

 

His gaze fixed upon the scene that met him. Before he could even finish processing Lance dove behind the nearest thing, a trash reciprocal, with hand clamped over his mouth to stifle both the stream of Spanish exclamations and his still ragged breath.

 

 _Allura had been in Keith’s arms._ For a few ticks that was all the information  that Lance could take in. As if his brain had short circuited. As if he were still in a nightmare.

 

At first the voices, which carried clearly in the vast echoing chamber, were muted upon his ears. Perhaps it was simply the tone in Keith’s voice that pulled Lance back to the here and now.

 

“-I have to know if Zarkon is tracking me. This is the only way. Don’t try to stop me.“

 

Lance could pull his hair out with how stubborn and short sighted Keith could be. At least now the Cuban boy didn’t have to worry about trying to stop the impulsive hot head alone. The other boy rarely ever listened to Lance. Belatedly he realized that getting someone else like the princess or Shiro should have been his very first step.

 

“I’m not going to stop you-“ Allura’s words had Lance’s blue eyes widening. “I’m going to join you.” Again alarm was welling inside of him. Like a skeletal hand had reached it’s cold fingers into his chest and gripped cruelly at his heart. No no no this was all wrong. Hadn’t they heard a single word Shiro had said?

 

But now there was literally nothing that he could do. If he were smart like Pidge he could think of something quickly to stop this. Or patient like hunk who could just step out and talk some sense into them. Or authorative like their team leader, who was always listened too based on his own merit.

 

But he was just Lance and he watched helplessly as the pod was quietly stolen by two of the most important people in his life.

 

***

 

The rest of the night Lance had fluctuated between what he should do; tell the others or not. Elaborate thoughts, chaotic as they chased uselessly through his brain. Going over what he could have done differently to stop this, then flying all the way back to square one and whether or not he should tell anyone. Followed swiftly by the fear that he’ be asked why he had been out and about so late at night. Pre-emptive shame brimming over his conscious at the lie he’d tell if asked. Should haves and what ifs all swirling together as he paced back and forth in the tight confines of his own room.

 

Not even the thought that at least they weren’t alone, since they had each other, was comforting to Lance because despite himself a low coiling jealousy boiled up in him. So much like rage and tasting so very bitter in the back of his mouth.

 

Did Keith like Allura? Like, _like_ like?

 

Of course he did! Who wouldn’t? even he like liked the princess. Heck if Pidge hadn’t opened her big stupid mouth he could have gone on like liking the altean in peace.

 

Because that was the important thing to focus on right now.

 

This line of thought wasn’t helping!

 

Why would Keith even think it was him? It made no sense to Lance. Sure he’d fought the terrifying Galra emperor. But to imprint? It was such a flimsy concept and yet… and yet Lance had seen the fear in Keith’s eyes earlier.

 

When the low lights were raised, signaling that morning had come to the castle of lions Lance automatically turned his steps towards the bridge, foregoing breakfast and still unsure of what he was going to do.

 

It wasn’t until Shiro’s deep voice asked the question that Lance had been dreading only because he knew the answer, that he was once again reminded of his own cowardice. His own silence weighted his gaze downwards as everyone else was looking around as if their two missing team members would step out from behind one of the chairs and yell ‘boo!’ Lowering his head like a child who didn’t want to be called on.

 

After all pretending had become second nature to him.


	8. Weaving a Home from Memories

Chapter 8: Weaving a Home from Memories

 

A pleasant distraction had befallen Lance.

 

Pidge was of course working on setting up a system to run the game flux. Lance had been helping her out for about half a varga when the girl had lost patience with him and kicked him out. Her final words being ; “If you run into Hunk send him my way! He’s good with these energy conversions-“ Right before she’d once more disappeared beneath what seemed like miles of wiring.

 

These days it was better if Lance had a task set to him lest his mind be allowed to wander. It had all night to do that after all.

 

So happily he sought out Hunk, who was of course found in the kitchen. Brightly colored apron already wrapped around his waste. His thick brows lifted as Lance relayed what he could remember of Pidge’s message.

 

“Wait, wait… you’re saying you were helping her try to set this up?”

 

A twitch appeared above Lance’s right eye. “What? You saying I can’t do it? Crees que soy estupida? ” He snapped, instantly regretting the sharpness or his tone as Hunk put his hands up.

 

“No-“ As always the yellow paladin didn’t snap back but remained a comical anchor. “I was asking because you don’t even _like_ video games that much is all.”

 

“Oh.” All in one tick it seemed as if Lance’s exhaustion caught up with him. His shoulder’s slumped.

 

“I just thought you couldn’t sit still for that long. You were always outside ya know? Cruising for girls or out on the waves.” Lance wasn’t sure if Hunk was purposefully not looking at him, since this was a sensitive topic for the boy, or if the other really was just tidying the kitchen up before he left.

 

“Gotta find something to do Hunk.” Lance shrugged, wishing that his voice didn’t sound so disheartened. He started as his friend turned towards him and quickly lightened his tone forcefully. “Plus it’s been fun hanging out with Pidge ya know! We never got along at the garrison.” Lance hoped that his smile was convincing.

 

“Well …okay,” Hunk continued to look at Lance, his brows drawn together. “You coming with?”

 

Lance shook his head. “Pidge made it pretty clear that I was- how did she put it? ‘The exact opposite of helpful’” The Cuban boy gave a rueful laugh and pushed Hunk down the hallway. “Don’t worry about me I’ll find something to do.” He cast his mind about for an idea of what that something would be, heart sinking.

 

“…I could… look for Coran? He usually has things going on…”

 

“Woah something must be wrong if you’re willing to clean!” Hunk was teasing of course but Lance already felt bad.

 

“Nothing’s wrong, now go on! Pidge is waiting for you. I don’t want her to get mad at me just because you’re so slow!”

 

Hunk  still hesitated, giving his best friend a once over before nodding. ‘Okay, but definitely find Coran okay?” _I don’t want you to be alone_ hung silently in the air between them as fragile as glass.

 

The taller boy knew Lance too well.

 

The blue paladin snapped his heels together and his hand sprang up to his head in a mock salute. “Yessir!”

 

It felt like forever until Hunk was out of sight. But Lance wasn’t able to relax until the boy was. He felt drained for no good reason. But was glad that he had a heading for now.

 

He would find Coran. And hope that whatever the mustached alien had for him to do was not too tedious.

 

***

 

 Keith’s chest heaved up and down rapidly as he landed on his back, barely getting his bayard up to block the descending blade of the gladiator. Even as the muscles in his arms strained his feet scrabbled against the smooth floor for purchase, finding none.

 

If he could just get his legs under him, Keith thought. He’d be able to keep on fighting. Sure he’d already been going for a few hours. Taken down countless drones and faced off with four gladiators. Could feel each raw burn from a blast and every bruise from a blow that had landed.

 

His arm gave. Just a little but enough for the edge of the altean sword to bite into the flesh of his shoulder.

 

“End training sequence.” The light glowing from within the gladiator’s mechanism faded to nothing before it dissolved into particles of luminous pixels along with the other one that still remained along with a handful of drones.

 

Slowly Keith stood, though he’d meant to jump up, and shot a glare at who was standing behind the control panel.

 

Shiro looked down at him with muscular arms crossed. Before he turned and walked out.

 

Trying not to wince Keith moved as quickly as he could to the door, not even bothering with one of the soft altean towels. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with an impatient swipe of his uninjured arm.

 

“I had them you know.”

 

Shiro raised one brow, sharp eyes piercing. “Then I’m sorry that you didn’t have me convinced.” Keith tried and failed to bite back his growl. “You’re working yourself too hard Keith.”

 

The red paladin could tell that Shiro was working himself into a lecture. Keith tried to interrupt that building momentum.

 

“I just need to get stronger okay? And that’s not gonna happen unless I push myself.”

 

Shiro sighed. “I agree that pushing yourself is how to grow. But not if you’re running into the ground. How long have you been in here? I’m willing to bet you haven’t even eaten yet.”

 

“I can go get breakfast now!” If that meant he’d be allowed to get back to training again then Keith would probably do just about anything.

 

“It’s lunch time. And I don’t want you back in there-“ he jabbed his finger towards the door, “until you’ve rested some. You have to allow your body to heal or you’ll be no help when it really counts.”

 

The younger boy knew this, he really did. But hearing it right from the leader’s mouth was like a punch in the gut.

 

He wished that he could properly articulate to Shiro why it was so important to him that he become stronger. A hard task, when he didn’t even fully understand why himself. Part of it he knew was because he wanted to protect… well… everyone. Another reason that he could barely admit to himself, was how devastating his defeat against Zarkon had been. How utterly embarrassing. Even though he knew no one thought that. Because everyone else knew he’d get his ass handed to him.

 

Well he hadn’t.

 

He never wanted to feel that way ever again.

 

But it wasn’t just those things that kept him awake and restless at night. Keen to feel the pull of aching muscles being worked and the satisfying sensation of sweat pouring from him. No. there had been a … growing darkness within him that lent him these nightmares and doubts. He tried not to think about the knife, but it sat heavily where he usually kept it. Keith had to drive this shadow away from his mind somehow. And fighting seemed to be the only thing that worked.

 

It wasn’t like he could tell Shiro any of this. Not when he barely understood himself.

 

Shiro had been studying him, brows pulled together, creating a crease between them that spoke of his worry. Keith realized  that he’d never replied to the man. And that his silence had stretched on for too many ticks. He pulled in a breath and opened his mouth., but the man was already talking before Keith could even figure out what he was going to say.

 

“Is everything okay? You’ve been more on edge lately.”

 

Once more the leader’s direct way of speaking left Keith momentarily speechless and he averted his gaze. He knew he couldn’t unload on the black paladin, who already carried so much on his shoulders. The boy (for this is what he felt like next to Shiro) squashed the small selfish part of himself that wanted to reach out, to let go of all his own worries in a torrent.

 

But if Shiro could weather his own many burdens in such a silent and stoic manner than Keith could as well. It wasn’t like he didn’t have practice in handling his own issues alone. He always had after all.

 

So he shrugged and crossed his arms. “I’m fine.” He bit out.

 

Shiro mirrored Keith’s pose and crossed his own arms as he shifted from his previous relaxed position. A skeptical look flitted across his features before a gentle smirk lifted his lips and he shook his head.

 

“What?” Keith tried to keep his tone light, but failed utterly.

 

“Oh just – typical Keith – shrugging me off. Along with a flesh wound. No big deal right? Not much has changed since the garrison.” He ruffled the younger male’s hair, chuckling as Keith knocked his hand away, just as Shiro knew he would. His mouth opened again, and it looked like he was about to say more.

 

“I’m going to get lunch now!”

 

Shiro’s laugh echoed down the hallway as Keith turned and headed towards the kitchen, the other close behind him. “I don’t think so I want you to head to the infirmary first. Get some of that dermi glue they have. The cut looks pretty clean. And maybe change so you don’t scare anyone.” Keith growled and spun on his heels, stomping off in the other direction.

 

Whatever, it worked better for him this way anyway. After he quickly patched himself up Keith made his way to the bridge. Their current destination had been heavy on his mind. But he wasn’t the only one. He found the princess exactly where they’d all last seen her, standing at the controls, her arms crossed and her brightly double hued eyes focusing intently upon the screen displays before her. He went to approach her, mouth open and question readied. Before he paused.  
  
The last time he’d inquired about how much farther the blade’s headquarters were she’d snapped at him.

 

He decided after a moment that he could work on being patient. And he turned back around, leaving Allura alone.

 

At first glance it seemed as if everyone, save the alteans, were already there. The front of Hunk’s apron was a mess of green and pink splatters, the food he’d prepared a similarly colored feast. It smelled delicious. Not comparable to anything from earth, but his mouth had already begun to water.

 

Keith hadn’t realized how hungry he was and slid into a stool, nodding to Pidge as Shiro complimented the chef, who was beaming as everyone tucked in.

 

Perhaps it was the lack of talking. Or the fact that Keith had been able to fill his plate for seconds without warring over the more delightful delicacies, but the red paladin paused in his devouring, swallowing hard to clear his mouth he looked around.

 

“Don’t tell me Lance is still sleeping.” He couldn’t even pretend to hide his irritation. The way Hunk and Pidge shared a look meant that they didn’t know either. Keith looked between the two, not yet worried by their expressions. Lance wasn’t quite like Hunk in this regard but he didn’t usually miss meals.

 

“On the contrary-“ A sudden vibrant voice made all but Shiro jump in their seats. “Number 3 found me earlier today, wanting to get that Kaltenecker settled into the castle properly.”

 

Keith snorted, but didn’t correct Coran on the cow. Instead he focused on the other bit of information. “Lance came to you wanting to do a job?”

 

“Why yes. And actually his idea was a pretty good one.” Keith tried not to let his disbelief show and Coran continued on, twiddling with his bright orange mustache. “A stroke of genius if you will. He thought to use the headwear that you all used from the training room-“

 

“Oh! You mean when we were like, forming Voltron with our minds and Pidge kept messing us up?” hunk’s index finger was held up as he recalled their first few days as paladins.

 

“Hey!” Pidge squawked, going to kick the large boy beneath the table and missing.

 

“Why yes! Exactly!” Coran spoke over the now squabbling pair (the yellow paladin had teased the younger girl about her short legs) “He thought to take those and combine that technology with the memory chamber to create the perfect habitat for this Kaltenecker, so he’s nice and comfortable. We Altean’s take our hospitality very seriously.

 

“Could have fooled me.” Shiro was obviously teasing. A fact that went over the old alien’s head.

 

“Oh you’re all different. You’re paladins! Soldiers!”

 

Pidge’s tone was more surprised as she spoke. “You mean you integrated these techs without me?” She raised a brow dubiously. “With Lance’s help? And it worked?”

 

“It’s definitely an unconventional way to use it. Better or course, than using it for interrogation though! And the integration itself was rather simple-“

 

Keith tuned their conversation out, swiftly losing track of the meaning of the technical terms, along with his interest. He was still starving so he took advantage of everyone’s attention being held to load up his plate with a third helping.

 

His mind idled over what Lance had suggested to do. The fact that he even thought of it at all. Offering to do work that he didn’t have too wasn’t like him at all.

 

Though it did make sense that it would be Lance who would go out of his way for the cow. After all it was the blue paladin who wanted to keep it in the first place. He should step up and take responsibility for the first time in his life.

 

It had only been two days so the memory was still clear in Keith’s mind.

 

_“Is that a cow?” Keith’s elation that Shiro had been able to bond more deeply with the black lion was short lived as he was reminded of the cow. Which just had to be here because Lance had done something, again._

_“Sure is! Her name’s Kaltenecker-“ Lance stated and had the gal to sound proud of himself, because_ of course he was.

 

_“What are we even going to do with it?” Keith had mumbled, crossing his arms in his well worn stance._

_Lance brought his hand up to his chest, fingers pressed up against his shirt, mouth opening in ire. He was the picture of offense but Keith couldn’t bring himself to care._

_“Now Keith is that how you treat all the ladies? No wonder you’re still single! And this beautiful gal just saved us?” He turned his deep blue eyes back to Shiro imploringly and the red paladin snorted. “We’re keeping her of course!” Despite the surety in his tone Keith saw something like doubt flash through those ocean like depths. He uncrossed his arms, blinking swiftly in disbelief._

_No way._

_He’d have to have been mistaken._

_A trick of the light._

_Lance was always so arrogant. There wasn’t enough space in that big head of his for something like doubt. Right? Not right alongside his ego._

_Keith flicked his gaze to Shiro, not wanting to look at Lance again, though he couldn’t say why exactly. He knew what their leader’s answer would be. It was just not practical to keep it here. Even though he could hear their leader’s voice giving the final say, veritably dropping the axe, Keith wanted to halt his words. Wanted to find an arrangement to keep the damn cow. He didn’t even give a shit though, right?_

_Didn’t want Lance to look sad._

_Which was such a weird thought._

_He didn’t want to see that hopeful light be dashed from Lance’s eyes. And really what an_ idiot _to be so pleased with something so simple._

_“I don’t see why not.”_

_Shiro’s words caught the red paladin off guard and Lance was not the only surprised laughter that had filled the room._

“-and Lance claims to have a grasp upon the Kaltenecker’s home.”

 

Keith jolted in his seat for Coran’s bright voice soundee uncomfortably close to his ear. The food that he’d been holding at the ready, positioned between the plate and his mouth, fell from his spoon and plopped onto his shirt. His attention became split between trying to wipe the garishly colored space food from his jacket (damnit his _favorite_ ) and push back from Coran who was _uncomfortably_ within his personal bubble. The older altean was sitting right next to him, leaning over with his chin resting in his hand, still talking.

 

“Uh- sorry what?”

 

“Could you take number 3 his lunch please?”

 

Keith couldn’t quite bite back the “why me,” as he scrubbed at the red fabric.

 

“Because you’re the only one still here-“

 

Keith snapped his head up, blinking in confusion, the emotion swirled like lilacs caught in a gust of wind within his otherwise dark irises as he looked around the room. They were indeed the only two left in the kitchen. He hadn’t even noticed the other paladins leaving.

 

“And you can’t take it to him because…?” Even as Keith voiced this he felt childish. He already knew how busy the other was, how much Coran did for them. But before he could take back his haughty words the man had started to calmly explain himself. (though he didn’t even need to, Keith felt plunged into contrition for his reaction)

 

“I’m going to take Allura her food. I’m not sure when she ate last, or rested for that matter.” Despite his otherwise composed and sunny demeaner a note of worry had entered his tone. The wrinkles around his eyes and mouth deepened for a tick, just in case Keith wasn’t already feeling guilty for trying to get out of this rather simple request, before he smoothed his fair features once more. “Also because Lance requested to do this part alone and I expect you wont stick around for too long.”

 

In spite of himself Keith’s interest had been perked. Since when did the loud mouthed boy want to do anything alone? He loved being the center of attention after all.

 

“-It wont take long at all.’ Coran had once again been talking and Keith chastised himself for allowing his attention to slip. Perhaps he was more tired than he thought. “So you can get back to training in a… oh how do you earthlings put it… in a jelly!”

 

Oh… wait, Keith couldn’t head back to the training deck. He sighed as he remembered that Shiro had forbade him from fighting the gladiator more today. So he literally had nothing better to do.

 

In the end Keith couldn’t help but return Coran’s contagious smile as he took the fully loaded plate held out to him.

 

Soon enough his expression turned pensive as he walked away from the kitchen with the advisor’s directions to the otherwise never used room that was to be the heifer’s clear in his mind.

 

Since Lance wanted to be alone the red paladin would respect that. After all he understood all too well that particular feeling. So he’d just… pop in, take a peak at what the other boy was doing (he couldn’t help it! He was curious) and leave the plate. That way he didn’t even have to disturb Lance, who wouldn’t know that Keith had been there.

 

When he arrived Keith pulled in a deep breath, not sure why he was nervous. He chalked it up to simply him mentally preparing for a fight with the other. (he never knew what to expect. Every so often they got on just fine. But normally they were quickly at each others’ throats) the door slid open quietly and Keith stepped into the room.

 

What he saw took his breath away.

 

The most breathtaking view of Aegean blue stretched out as far as the eye could see. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the way dazzling rays glinted off the white sand. It was almost as if he had stepped out of the castle of lions and straight into the ocean. At first he didn’t notice where he stood, atop the water, nor that he cast no shadow. He knew the entrance was behind him, but the rolling waters of azure and turquois swirled together into the white caps of waves.

 

In fact one was forming in that moment. Rolling towards him and building until it towered above, the mere shadow of it turning the rest of the sea around him a deep cobalt, so much like Lance’s eyes…

 

“*Oh man I am going to _own_ this wave*”

 

While Keith didn’t recognize the alluring language he instantly knew who’s voice this was and turned. The other boy’s name catching in his throat. Lance was shirtless. Which shouldn’t have made Keith’s cheeks heat up as they did now. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen before. But unlike the swim trunks he’d worn on their failed expedition to the altean pool the one adorning him now was skin tight. He was sitting upon a long board…

 

It had taken Keith too many ticks to understand that it was a surf board. (he’d been too long in space fighting galra) for the wave was about to wash completely over them. Lance had jumped to his bare feet in one fluid motion. Keith instinctively brought his arm up to cover his head. Of course he didn’t actually get wet as he passed through the massive swell like the hologram that it was.

 

The angle changed, following Lance as he rode crest, shifting his weight so naturally to dip the nose of the board downwards. Keith held his breath as the Cuban boy plunged, but he stayed afloat. Lance guiding it with ease. Cutting through the water as the ridge curled in on itself. It fell over the boy like a curtain , obscuring him from view and for a tick, right before it crashed in a roar against the ocean Keith thought he’d gone under.

 

He shot clear of the tunnel, board flipping through the air as he cleared the white caps. His laughter more pure, more free than Keith had ever heard it bounced out of him.

 

“Ya know Kaltenecker if I’d have managed that move during a tournament I woulda won easy peasy.” Lance’s voice, closer at hand, startled Keith, who jumped, his back hitting the wall.

 

“Everyone in my family can surf. My lil siblings and cousins are always asking me to show them my sweet moves. Even my older sisters are impressed, but they’d never say. My dad though? He never really cared about this sort of stuff. He always wants me working on something more serious. Like my hit ratio. Pushing me to be a better marksman-“ As Lance spoke the images around them had shifted like fluid, showing the laughing races of smaller kids with features similar to his. The same nose, same sharp chin, same mischievous glint in their eyes and flirtatious smirk. But none of them had those dark blue irises. As the boy fell quiet the room settled over the scene of a tall broad shouldered man standing diffidently behind a Lance that was not laughing. This version of the blue paladin held a pistol aloft, both hands keeping the gun steady, shoulders squared up. A small frown creased his brows as he concentrated on a far off target.

 

“*Keep both eyes open mijo*” Previously Keith had seen no familial resemblance, but now he could tell. Both of their frames were set identically, the younger mirroring the older. And Lance’s usually dark blue eyes now glinted lightly with the same steel found within his father’s.

 

“Estoy.” Lance’s voice was tense.”

 

“*Take a deep breath in.*”

 

Lance said nothing this time, simply dragged in a slow inhale that lifted his shoulders-

 

“That might be a bit too loud for ya huh?” The scene began to dissolve before Keith’s eyes, and he was finally able to pinpoint where the real Lance was. Sitting to his left, leaning back against the cow who’s large form was laying down. Those baleful brown eyes were staring _directly at Keith._ His own purple gaze widened as his breath stuttered along with his heart. But Lance hadn’t yet noticed him, who had a clear view of the other boy’s profile. Without the worry that those sharp azure eyes would turn on him angrily at any moment Keith was able to truly study Lance. The regal line or his nose and how it tilted upward right at the tip. The strong edge of his jaw which disappeared under the soft brown curl of his hair. Following that highlighted the smooth mocha skin of the boy’s cheeks, leading the eyes up to the royal eyes, now swirling darkly with something unnamable.

 

Keith’s fingers itched for the weight of a pencil, the feel of tedtur3d paper beneath them in this moment. His violet gaze following the contour of Lance’s features, plotting out the drat of graphite in his mind.

 

Not even the alien shape of the mind meld headset could distract from Lance’s lovely visage-

 

Wait. What did he just think?

 

Sure it wasn’t the first time he’d thought Lance pretty. There had been a number of boy’s back at the garrison he’d found attractive. At least from a distance. And the other paladin’s big mouth had swiftly ruined that initial appeal. But Keith had never before seen Lance look like _this._ Had never thought him graceful before. Had not once even thought the boy capable of such a breathtakingly sorrowful expression.

 

A grumbling sound snapped Keith out of his thoughts. “Man oh man I’m hungry! I bet I’ve already missed lunch!” Keith ducked his head, glancing down at the plate that he still held. The first inkling of guilt staining his mind. Yet he didn’t call out or step forward. He held back from making his presence known. He couldn’t even say why. Maybe he was worried about how Lance would react. Or perhaps it was just that he wanted to see more.

 

Around them there was a brief glimpse of a large family, more people than Keith had expected, gathered around a table that seemed almost too small. Their sounds of shared joy were muffled for the memory never took full form.

 

“Man I don’t know how long we’ve even been at this girl. I should probably finish up and get you settled.”

 

From beneath him vibrant green grass sprung up, filling the room with a vast field. In the distance more cows could be seen grazing. And closer at hand stood Lance, surrounded by a group of children, all of whom were trying to mimic the fancy footwork the older boy was displaying. Keith watched enthralled as the ball was bounced on one knee and then the other. Almost dropped until the last possible tick when with a clever kick it was pulled back up into the air. This imagine lingered for but a moment.

 

The real Lance waved his hand in irritation and Keith flinched away from the movement, eyes flickering over to the boy. His heart ached at what he saw there, like a storm cloud now shadowed his demeanor. The group of children were gone and in their place stood a small barn.

 

As Lance worked on the details of Kaltenecker’s new home Keith slowly moved to place the food quietly on the ground by the door.

 

“Now lets see… Coran said that once I was finished the castles… magical science or whatever would-“

 

The other boy’s voice faded as Keith slipped carefully out. The same guilt that had only begun as a twinge begore now took root, tendrils twisting into hid now heavy heart. He knew he’d seen something he shouldn’t have. Intruded on moments of Lance’s life he couldn’t talk about right now. Not while they were all out in space and involved in a war. So far away from things like ‘family’ and ‘home.’

 

Not for the first time, nor the last, Keith wished that he could reach out to Lance. That his offered hand would be accepted. Because it was obvious that he boy needed someone too.


End file.
